


Loving You

by Samunderthelights



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Friendship, Illnesses, M/M, Marriage, Multi, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-09-25 19:22:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9840512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights
Summary: Remus and Sirius are a married couple, but when their fifteen-year old godson Harry moves in with them, everything changes. All of the sudden they have to become parents. But Sirius is still struggling with the guilt about Lily's death. And Remus is struggling with his health-issues. And in the meantime, Harry is becoming more and more confused about his feelings.





	1. The First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> This was the first chaptered Harry Potter fanfic that I wrote. It's from a few years ago, but I decided to post it anyway. (The Harry Potter / Draco Malfoy will be in future chapters). I hope you enjoy reading it!

Remus is sitting at the kitchen table, checking his students’ homework, when Sirius, his husband, storms in, waving a letter in his hand.  
“Did you read this?”  
“No, I didn’t get a chance to check the mail yet. Why?” Remus asks, putting down his pen. His husband is looking really distraught, and he hands over the letter. He sits down, while Remus quickly reads it.  
“The bastards,” Sirius says, and Remus lets out a sigh, as he puts down the letter on the table. “I will kill them if I ever find them.”  
“No, you won’t,” Remus says, knowing his husband far too well. “Plus, if you’ll be put in jail for murder, then what will happen to Harry, huh?”  
“I know.”  
“Well, it seems like we’ll be needing to clear out a room.”

Sirius and Remus are at the train station, Remus checking his watch every two seconds, Sirius walking up and down the platform, making sure that Harry hadn’t arrived on the last train, and that he isn’t waiting for them somewhere.  
Sirius and Remus had met at school, where they had also been friends with another couple, James and Lily Potter. They had stayed friends all throughout school, and after. And when James and Lily had had a baby, Harry, they had named Sirius and Remus his godparents. But only a year after Harry had been born, the five of them had gotten into a car accident. A bus had smashed into them, pushing their car off of a bridge, into the water. They had all tried to get out of the car together, but James had hit his head, and they couldn’t get him to wake up. Lily had begged them to save Harry, no matter what. So Remus had grabbed the baby boy, and had gotten him out of the car. He had wanted to go back, but by then, it had been too late. When he turned around, he saw the car disappearing underwater, and he had feared that he had just lost his three best friends, one of them also being the love of his life. But a few minutes later, Sirius had come above water, coughing. Remus had jumped in, and gotten him to safety as well. But they never saw James and Lily again. Sirius had later explained that he and Lily had tried to wake James up, but that they had realised that he was dead. That’s when the car had gone underwater. Sirius had tried to unfasten Lily’s seatbelt, but because she was panicking, she kept pushing him away. She kept crying and screaming, which meant that she had run out of oxygen really quickly. Sirius had tried his best, but she had died, in front of his eyes. There was nothing he could have done. Or so Remus kept telling him. But still he keeps blaming himself. Because why hadn’t he gotten Lily out of the car sooner? She would still be alive today.  
Sirius and Remus had expected to take baby Harry into their home and raise him. But because of Sirius’ arrests in the past, and the fact that they were two men, it was decided that it would be best for Harry if he would be raised by Lily’s sister, Petunia, and her husband. They simply ignored the fact that Lily and Petunia hated each other.  
But now, it has turned out that Petunia and her husband have been abusing and neglecting Harry. So now that he is fifteen years old, he will finally be moving in with his godfathers Sirius and Remus.

“Ahh, there it is,” Remus says, as the train drives into the station. His husband is now standing next to him, but he is looking terrified.  
“Are we really ready for this?”  
“Well, we’ve got to be, haven’t we?” Remus asks, and he flashes a small, but nervous smile.  
When Harry gets out of the train, his knees are shaking. A man who was dealing with his case was supposed to have come with him, but he had had to cancel this morning. So here he is, all on his own, about to meet his godfathers for the very first time. And he’s about to move in with them. He sees loads of people, but he is looking for two men. All of the men who are in pairs, are business men, so they can’t be the people he is looking for. But then he sees two men, who seem like the most unlikely pair. But they are standing next to each other, talking. So maybe it is them after all. One of them has shoulder-length, dark brown, scruffy hair, a moustache and goatee, and he is wearing old brown boots, black jeans, a vague, but dark colour shirt, and a brown jacket that looks like it has seen better times. He looks like the type of guy who owns a motorcycle, and who goes to see really loud bands. The other man has a slightly geeky look to him. His hair is a light-brownish colour, styled in no special way. He also has a moustache, but where it looks quite stylish on the other man, on him it makes him look a bit stuck in another time. But somehow it suits him. He is wearing simple trousers in quite a dull colour, with a grey sweater, worn over a white shirt. He seems like the kind of guy who likes to read, and who probably teaches. They are total opposites, but somehow, they seem to compliment each other. They must be his godfathers.  
“There he is,” Sirius says, when he sees the teenage boy walking up to them. Both men are taken aback by how much the boy looks like James, and it makes them realise more, how much they miss their friends. But when the boy comes closer, they see that he has his mother’s eyes, which is also somehow a bit of a comfort.  
“Harry,” Remus says, giving the boy a hug, even though they haven’t really met before.  
“Ah, it is you then,” Harry awkwardly laughs, and Remus lets go of him.  
“Yes, sorry. My name is Remus, this is Sirius.”  
“Come here,” Sirius says, and he gives the boy a big hug. “How was the journey? Was it okay?”  
“Yeah, it was fine. Ehm, did my boxes get here safe?” Harry asks, feeling a bit guilty that that is the first thing he asks about. But really, he has to ask.  
“Well, we only received three boxes. The rest must still be on its way.”  
“Oh, no, that’s all I own,” Harry says, feeling embarrassed. “They wouldn’t let me get a job, you see? So it’s just some clothes, and a couple of books and old records that I got from neighbours who were throwing them out.”  
“The bastards,” Sirius says.  
“Oh, it’s okay. I don’t need much. And I can cook, and clean, and…”  
“Harry,” Remus interrupts him. “You’re not with them anymore. We’ll be taking care of you, and there’ll be no cleaning, except for your own room. And no cooking, unless you enjoy cooking, of course.”  
“Really?”  
“Really,” Sirius says. “We’re going to give you the life that you were meant to have with us, before they decided that you couldn’t live with us.”  
“Why was that?” Harry asks, as Sirius takes his suitcase from him, and they slowly start walking towards the exit.  
“Well, Sirius was a bit of a rebel when he was younger,” Remus laughs.  
“I got arrested a few times,” Sirius explains, and Remus raises an eyebrow. “Okay, more than a few times. But it was nothing too bad, don’t worry. Just silly stuff.”  
“And of course they couldn’t possibly let two men raise a baby,” Remus adds, and he and Sirius both look at Harry to see his response to that comment. They had both been a bit worried, because what if Harry would have a problem with them two being together?  
“Well, that’s just stupid,” Harry says, and both men can’t help but smile.  
“Yes, yes it is.”

When Remus enters the kitchen, after he has brought Harry to his bedroom to unpack, he finds Sirius standing there, quietly sobbing. He hardly ever cries, but when he does, it breaks Remus’ heart. He goes up to his husband, and wraps his arms around him, holding him as tight as possible, without hurting him.  
“He has her eyes,” Sirius whispers. “When I look at him, I keep seeing her. I see her, dying. I could have saved her.”  
“You did all you could.”  
“I should have gotten her out sooner. He would still have his mum,” Sirius whispers, and Remus stops hugging him, but moves one hand to his hip. The other he puts on the side of face.  
“Look at me,” he says, looking straight into his husband’s eyes. “You did all you could for her then, and you’re still doing all you can for them now. We saved their baby boy, and we are going to do everything we can for him, no matter what. And that is all we can do.”  
“But…”  
“No buts,” Remus says, and he pulls Sirius closer, to give him a kiss. After they have broken the kiss, the door opens, and Harry walks in.  
“May I ask you something?”  
“Of course,” Sirius says, taking a step away from his husband. “Anything.”  
“What happened that night? When they died.”  
“Sit down,” Remus says, and Harry does as he is told. The two men join him at the table, and they tell him, honestly, what happened.  
“It’s not your fault,” Harry eventually says, after having taken it all in. “I ehm, I just overheard you. Sorry. But it wasn’t your fault. You tried to save her.”  
“But I couldn’t, and I will never forgive myself for that,” Sirius says, staring down at his hands, and a long silence follows.  
“Can you tell me how you knew my parents?” Harry eventually asks, and Remus can’t help but smile. He and Sirius don’t speak about their friends that often anymore, because it is simply too painful. But he still loves thinking about them. About when everything was still okay.  
“Well, your father met your mother on the first day of a new school year. We were all about eleven and twelve at the time. She and her friend, Severus, had just joined the school, and you couldn’t help but notice them. Your mother was beautiful, even back then, with her long red hair, a beautiful smile, and those eyes, well, you’ve got them as well,” Sirius begins. “Whereas Severus was a bit odd, he was a very quiet boy, and he had pitch black hair. And you know how someone can just give you the creeps sometimes?” Sirius asks, and Harry nods. “Well, he was one of those people. It later turned out that he was in love with your mum, and that he had hated your dad all throughout school because of it. But in the end, he turned out to be a nice guy. I actually saw him at a gig a few months ago. Nice guy. Anyway. Your father went over to your mother, but she mostly ignored him. And she kept ignoring him for a few more years, no matter how many times he kept trying to ask her out. But he always kept messing up, or Severus would interrupt. It was quite funny, actually.”  
“And where do you two come in?” Harry asks, and Remus can’t help but laugh. His husband always does this, he answers one question with a whole other answer, or in this case, a whole other story.  
“Sirius and your dad became friends a few weeks after the beginning of the school year, and another boy, Peter, joined them. And I didn’t join them until two years later. But I always noticed them. Those three were the ones that would always get into trouble by pulling stunts, arriving late, being loudmouths.”  
“Never,” Sirius laughs, and his husband and their godson can’t help but laugh. “But we stayed best friends all throughout school, and after. Except for Peter, who turned out to be a horrible person. But we don’t talk about him. But the four of us, we were friends until… well, you know.”  
“How did my parents eventually fall in love?”  
“Well, there was a prom, when we were about fourteen, and your dad wanted to ask her, but he kept messing up. So he was planning on going there, just to pull a stunt, when your mum showed up, and asked him.”  
“My mother asked him to go to prom with her?” Harry asks, and both men smile and nod.  
“That was Lily. She had of course understood what your father had been trying to do all that time, that he had been trying to ask her out. And she was sick of waiting for him to get it right. So she asked him out, and they danced all night long. Until we were all kicked out, and then they left together. So who knows what happened then. What I do know, is that the next time we saw them, they were together. And they were inseparable after then.”  
“And they were so happy when they had you,” Remus adds. “I have never seen two people who were so proud, and who loved someone so much, as your parents loved you.”  
“Really?”  
“Really,” Remus says, and he gets up, and goes over to the wall. He takes the frame from it, and hands it over to his godson. Harry looks at it, and he gets tears in his eyes. It’s a photo of him, as a baby, in his mother’s arms, with his father hugging his mother from behind. They are both looking down at him, their eyes and smiles filled with love.  
“You should take it up to your room,” Sirius says.  
“I can’t, it’s yours.”  
“Take it,” Remus confirms, and Harry flashes a shy smile.  
“Thank you.”


	2. Finding Friends

It’s been two weeks since Harry moved in with Sirius and Remus. Things had gone okay. Slightly awkward, but okay. It had taken a few days for the two men to get used to someone living with them, which meant no more walking around in their pants, or without pants, no more spontaneous making out sessions, no more making out while watching the television at night, no more making out while making dinner, and as Harry had pointed out after one awkward breakfast one morning, no more loud noises during the night. But they are getting used to it now, and things are going more smoothly. Harry loves to hear stories about his parents, and he loves helping Remus out with dinner. But he also loves helping Sirius out with his work, which is writing music reviews. He listens to the newest music, and he simply has to write down a review. But he also writes gig reviews, and he is taking Harry to a punk gig tonight. Remus doesn’t agree with it, especially because Harry has never been to a gig before, let alone a punk gig. But Harry had begged him, and he simply cannot say no to him.  
“Whatever you do, do not go into the mosh pit,” Remus says, as Sirius and Harry are putting on their jackets. “And make sure to get earplugs before, or you will damage your ears.”  
“We will, hun,” Sirius says, and he gives his husband a kiss. “Don’t stay up.”  
“You better get him home safely.”  
“I will. Bye.”  
“Bye,” Harry says, and without another word, they’re gone.

Remus is still sitting in the living room, going over his students’ homework, long after midnight, when Sirius and Harry finally come home. He puts down his work, and goes to the hallway, to see if they’re okay. He knows that he shouldn’t worry, but he simply cannot help it.  
“What the hell has happened to you?” he asks, his voice sounding very shrill and scared, when he sees Harry’s bloody lip, his swollen eye, and his broken pair of glasses.  
“I…”  
”You better not have let him go into a mosh pit,” Remus interrupts his godson, even before he could answer.  
“He’s fifteen,” is Sirius’ answer, and Remus shoots him a glare.  
“Are you okay?” Remus asks, and Harry nods, a huge smile on his face.  
“That was the best night of my life,” he admits, and Remus looks over to his husband. And when he sees him shrugging his shoulders, and the cheeky smile on his face, he cannot help but laugh.

It’s two days later, and Harry can finally go to his new school. He is slightly nervous, but the fact that Remus works there, makes him feel a bit less nervous. They had gone shopping for new clothes, just after he had moved in with his godfathers, and he is wearing one of his new outfits today. And when he gets downstairs, Remus and Sirius are standing there, beaming like proud parents.  
“We’ve made your favourite breakfast,” Sirius says, as Harry sits down at the table.  
“And we bought you a little present,” Remus says, and he hands over a small package, as he and his husband also sit down at the table. Harry opens the package, and he gets a big smile on his face when he sees what is in it.  
“It isn’t much, but I’m afraid we couldn’t afford the better ones,” Remus admits, but Harry shakes his head.  
“It’s perfect,” he says, as he looks down at the watch. “Thank you so much,” he says, and he gets up and goes over to them. He gives both of them a hug, and both men get a huge smile on their face, just from seeing how happy Harry looks. “But you really shouldn’t have.”  
“We should have, and we did. So enjoy it,” Remus says, and Harry sits down again. “And also enjoy your breakfast, before it gets cold.”

“So how has your day been so far?” Remus asks, when Harry joins him during their lunch break. They are sitting in the court yard of the castle, which serves as a school.  
“It’s fine. No one really speaks to me.”  
“Ah, well. Then maybe it isn’t helping that you’re having lunch with your teacher.”  
“I don’t care,” Harry says, as he starts eating his sandwich. “I was wondering, do people here know?”  
“Know what?”  
“About you and Sirius?”  
“Sort of,” Remus says. “They know that I’m married, to a man. But they don’t know that my husband is an aging punk rocker, whose name makes alarms go off at certain police stations, no,” he adds, and they both can’t help but laugh. “And if you would like to keep it private that you’re my godson, then I would understand.”  
“No, I don’t mind them knowing. I like living with you and Sirius.”  
“I’m glad.” Remus smiles, and he takes a sip from his fruit juice.  
“Remus?” Harry asks, after he has finished his sandwich.  
“Yes?”  
“How did you and Sirius get together?”  
“Ah, well. Remember how your father, Sirius and Peter were already friends?”  
“Mhm.”  
“Well, I always noticed them, especially Sirius, but I didn’t think that they noticed me. But then one day, they involved me in one of their stunts. They gave me a job to do, and that was that. From that day on, I was a part of their group. Of course I later found out that I only got the job because Sirius wanted to get into contact with me, and because he felt a bit sorry for me, because I was always alone,” Remus laughs. “Apparently he had noticed me all along. And one night, just before the prom where your mum and dad got together, when he came over to make homework, we started talking about your mum and dad, and about relationships. And so I told him that I thought that I might like boys. He looked petrified, and I thought that I had ruined our friendship, that he would never want to see me again,” Remus tells. Harry loves hearing these stories, and he can’t help but have a smile on his face, as he is listening. “But then he kissed me. We didn’t talk about it, we just kept making homework. As if I could focus,” Remus laughs. “And then at prom, we kissed again, but we swore that it was just harmless fun, you know, the kind of thing you do, as a teenage boy. It wasn’t until we were sixteen, when I finally told him how I really felt.”  
“What did he say?”  
“That he loved me,” Remus says, smiling, and he starts blushing slightly. “And that he had loved me since he had first laid eyes on me. He can be quite the romantic, when he wants to be,” Remus laughs, and Harry can’t help but grin at the thought.  
“Is that when you became partners?”  
“Please don’t call it that. That makes it sound so… work-like. No, that is when he became my boyfriend,” Remus corrects Harry. “And that is the story of how we got together.”  
“So love at first sight then?”  
“I suppose you can call it that, yes.” Remus can’t help but smile, as he takes another sip from his fruit juice.

“Ah, yes, mister Potter,” Remus says, when Harry comes into his classroom. It is slightly awkward, because of their personal relationship. But they are trying to keep it as professional as possible, so no one will treat Harry any differently. But today is his second day, and no one has spoken to him yet. “Why don’t you sit down next to mister Weasley,” Remus says, pointing at a boy with fiery red hair, and a friendly smile on his face. Harry sits down next to him, and the boy sticks out his hand.  
“I’m Ron, Ron Weasley.”  
“Harry Potter,” Harry introduces himself, as he shakes Ron’s hand.  
“Did you get into a fight then?” Ron asks, pointing at Harry’s black eye, but keeping his voice down, because Remus has started the lesson.  
“No. I went to a gig with my godfather and got into the mosh pit.”  
“Wicked.” Ron smiles, and he opens his textbook. Harry can’t help but smile, because could it be that he has actually made a friend?

During lunch, Harry wants to go outside and have lunch with Remus again, but just as he is about to leave the castle, he feels a tap on his arm. He turns around, and Ron is standing there, together with a girl with long brown curly hair.  
“Do you want to have lunch with us?”  
”Yeah, alright,” Harry says, and the girl flashes a smile.  
“This is my girlfriend, Hermione.”  
“Hermione Grainger, pleasure to meet you,” the girl says, and Harry flashes a small smile, because Ron is already interrupting about all the things he loves to eat. Harry does follow his new friends when they are buying lunch, but he himself has brought his own lunch. Remus and Sirius don’t have much money, so they can’t really afford to buy lunch here. It’s far too expensive, and according to Remus, not very healthy. His parents had left him quite a bit of money, but he won’t receive it until he is eighteen, so until then, he can’t help out his godfathers either.  
“That looks kind of gross,” Ron says, when he looks at Harry’s sandwich.  
“Yeah, it’s some natural spread that my godfather made. It’s really not as bad as it looks.”  
“Do you live with your godparents then?” Hermione asks, as she takes half of her blueberry muffin, and puts it in Harry’s lunchbox.  
“Thanks. Ehm, yeah. My parents, they died, so I lived with my aunt, uncle and cousin. But I had to move out, so now I live with my godfathers,” Harry explains, feeling slightly awkward, because one of those godfathers is actually Ron’s teacher, and maybe Hermione’s teacher as well.  
“Ah, is that why you’re new to this school? Have you only just started living with them?” Hermione asks, and Harry nods.  
“I had actually never even met them, before I moved in with them, a couple of weeks ago. But they are the nicest people I have ever met. I really love living with them.”  
“That’s good,” Hermione says, and she flashes a genuine smile. Ron is still too busy stuffing his face, to take part in the conversation.  
“Ah, who’s your new friend, then?” someone asks, and Ron looks up, so Harry turns to face whoever had asked Ron the question. Two tall guys are standing there, and they both have the same fiery red hair as Ron.  
“This is Harry.”  
“Hiya Harry,” one of them says, as he gives a little wave. “I’m Fred.”  
“And I’m George.”  
“They’re my brothers,” Ron explains, but Harry had already guessed that.  
“Nice to meet you, Harry,” the brothers say, at the same time.  
“Ron, don’t forget about dinner tonight,” George says, and he and his brothers leave.  
“What dinner?” Hermione asks.  
“We’re going over for dinner to some of my parents’ friends tonight. It’ll be dull as a dishwasher, I’ll bet,” Ron sighs.

Harry is making his homework that night, when he hears a lot of noise in the kitchen. He goes over there, and finds Remus cooking quite a bit more than normal.  
“Ah, Harry, can you help me with the cake?”  
“Yeah, sure,” Harry says, and he quickly grabs a bowl that is sliding off of a plate, which is also sliding off of another plate, because it is covered in chocolate.  
“Don’t bother with the cake,” Sirius says, as he walks into the kitchen, carrying two square boxes. “I bought two perfectly dull chocolate cakes.”  
“But I really wanted to make it myself. You know that Molly will always cook everything herself.”  
“Yes, but Molly can actually cook,” Sirius laughs, as he puts the two boxes in the fridge.  
“Who is Molly?” Harry asks, still looking confused, and still holding the bowl and plate.  
“Molly Weasley, of the Weasleys, our guests tonight. Didn’t I tell you?” Remus asks, and Harry shakes his head, as he puts down the bowl and plate in the sink. “Oh, I must have forgotten.”  
“The Weasleys are old friends of ours, and they’re coming over for dinner with a few of their kids.”  
“You’ve met Ron, their youngest son,” Remus says, as he and Sirius try and rescue the curry. Harry knows that he is only in the way, so he goes upstairs to get changed, and when he gets downstairs, he finds that the living room is filled with people, mostly fiery red-headed people. Sirius quickly comes over, and introduces him to everyone; the mother, Molly, father, Arthur, sons, Fred and George, other son Ron, and daughter, Ginny.  
“So these are your godfathers then?” Ron asks, when Harry sits down next to him. “Professor Lupin and Sirius?”  
“Yes,” Harry says. “Yes, they are.”


	3. Never Letting Go

That night, after the guests have left, and Remus and Harry are doing the dishes, Remus all of the sudden drops a plate. Harry looks over to him, and sees that he is looking terrified.  
“Are you okay?” Harry asks, but Remus shakes his head.  
“Go get Sirius,” he says, and Harry runs out of the kitchen, up the stairs, where Sirius is in the bedroom, getting changed. Harry storms in, not even caring about what he might see.  
“It’s Remus, he needs you, now!” Harry says, looking worried, and Sirius quickly pulls up his pyjama bottoms, and runs down the stairs, into the kitchen, with Harry following him. Remus is sitting on the floor, his back against a cupboard, keeping his eyes closed.  
“It’s starting again,” he whispers, as his husband kneels down beside him. He gives him a kiss on the forehead, looking really worried.  
“It’ll be okay,” he whispers, as he picks up his husband, as if he weighs nothing. Remus wraps his arms around his husband’s neck, and lets him carry him.  
“What can I do?” Harry asks.  
“Get me a bucket, a glass of water, a dry towel, and a wet towel,” Sirius says, and he leaves, carrying his husband up the stairs, into their bedroom. When Harry gets there, Remus is on the bed, shaking and shivering, and Sirius is holding his hand. Harry puts the bucket on the floor, the glass of water on a side table, and hands both towels to Sirius, who puts them on a side table.  
“Is he okay?” Harry asks, looking really scared. All colour has disappeared from his godfather’s face, and he is crying and shivering, while Sirius is just holding his hand, tears in his eyes.  
“He will be. Just, no matter what you hear, stay out of this room. Please, just do as I ask. I will explain, but not now.”  
“Okay, if there’s anything I can do…”  
“Thank you,” Sirius says, and Harry looks back at Remus, but gets scared, and goes to his own room. Sirius kisses Remus’ hand, and feels a tear rolling down his face. “You’ll be okay,” he whispers, knowing that Remus hears him.  
“I… blg… sh…mgh…,” Remus tries, pointing at his mouth, which is half hanging down now.  
“I know,” Sirius says. “I know. Just keep quiet, and it will go back to normal soon. I promise.”  
“Lrt… lkv… love,” Remus tries, draining himself from energy, and Sirius can’t help but smile.  
“I love you too.” He kisses Remus’ hand again, and feels him shaking. He pulls the covers up higher, making sure that his husband isn’t cold.  
It’s been half an hour, and Remus hasn’t said a word anymore. Sirius is hoping that he is asleep, but then he pulls his hand away, looking terrified.  
“Has your hand gone numb?” Sirius asks, and Remus nods. “And your sight? Your speech?”  
“My speech is back,” Remus whispers, sounding very weak. “So is my sight. But my hand is gone, my nose is gone, my lip is gone…”  
“A couple more minutes then,” Sirius says, and he takes a deep breath. These were only the starting symptoms of what is about to come. “I love you.”  
“I love you too,” Remus whispers, and Sirius kisses his forehead. He places the wet towel on his husband’s forehead, gives him some sips of water, and then lies down beside him.  
“I’m not leaving you,” he whispers.

It’s been three hours since Remus had gotten ill, and Harry is in bed, but he can’t sleep. The sounds that are coming out of his godfathers’ bedroom are awful. There are screams, moans, cries of pain, combined with vomiting, followed by Sirius going to the bathroom to clean the bucket. The door then opens, and Harry can hear the screams and cries even louder, and they give him chills. What the hell is going on with Remus?

That morning, when Harry gets downstairs, there’s no one there. He quickly makes some breakfast, and goes back upstairs. He knocks on the door of his godfathers’ bedroom, and it opens not much later. Sirius is standing there, looking exhausted. He steps out of the room and closes the door behind him.  
“He’s asleep,” he whispers, and he leads Harry to his own bedroom, where they sit down on the bed.  
“What is wrong with him?”  
“Remus is suffering from really bad migraines.”  
“But aren’t they just headaches?” Harry asks, and Sirius nods.  
“For some people, yes. But for some, they take over the entire body for days. He loses his sight at first, he loses control of his muscles, his hands go numb, his face goes numb, and then the headache begins. This happens every couple of weeks.”  
“Why? Can’t the doctor do something?”  
“He has tried everything. But he seems to be immune to all the medication. So every couple of weeks, I get him through it, and it will take him days to recover again. They say that it might have something to do with the position of the moon. The moon has a big influence on water, and our bodies are full of water, so…” Sirius explains, and Harry can see the pain in his eyes. The pain that he is feeling for his husband.  
“How long has he had this?”  
“Since he was a teenager. It started a couple of months after we had met. And I was always the one who helped him through it. His parents just kept filling him up with pills, but they only made it worse. So whenever it began, he would call me up, and I would stay with him,” Sirius says, and Harry is about to say something, when they can hear Remus vomiting in the other room. Sirius gets up, grabs a piece of toast, and flashes a small smile. “Thank you, Harry.”

It’s been three days, and Harry still hasn’t seen Remus. He is in the living room, making his homework, when he hears footsteps coming down the stairs. He looks up, and sees Sirius supporting Remus. He is looking very pale, very weak, very gaunt, but still alive.  
“How are you feeling?” Harry asks, as he makes place for his godfather.  
“Like death,” Remus says, but he still flashes a smile.  
“It was a bad one,” Sirius says, as he goes into the kitchen.  
“I’m sorry you had to witness that,” Remus says, as he takes a deep breath, looking like he’s still in a lot of pain. He has lost a lot of weight, and Harry feels terrible for him.  
“No, don’t be. I’m sorry that you have to go through that every time,” Harry says, and Remus nods. “But Sirius never left your side.”  
“He never does,” Remus says, as he turns around, to see his husband, coming out of the kitchen, and he can’t help but smile, no matter how horrible he is feeling. Because he is feeling really lucky, just to have Sirius.

It’s been a few months, and Harry has just turned sixteen. They had celebrated it with a party, the first real birthday party that Harry had ever had. The Weasleys had come and so had his friends, Hermione, Luna and Neville. It was only a small party, with small gifts, but it had been perfect in Harry’s eyes. It had however, been a little bit awkward, because Hermione and Ron had split up a few days before, because he had not agreed with the fact that she wants to move to the other side of the country to get a better education. It had become a huge fight, and she had dumped him. So at the party, they had ignored each other.  
Harry and Ron are now in Harry’s room, making homework. Harry is trying really hard, because he wants to get good grades, and make something of himself, but Ron seems to be distracted.  
“So where did you say Remus and Sirius are?”  
“They’re visiting a friend,” Harry says, and he tries to go back to his homework. But when Ron starts talking again, he puts his homework down on the floor.  
“You know Remus and Sirius?”  
“Well, yes, they’re my godfathers.”  
“Do you ever wonder, like,” Ron starts, turning slightly red. “Well, if it’s different.”  
“If what is different?”  
“Well, you know, with a guy,” Ron says, and Harry shrugs.  
“I don’t know. I’m sure it’s not all that different,” he eventually says, after having thought about it for a couple of seconds.  
“Don’t you ever just, you know, want to try it out?” Ron asks, his face now a dark shade of red. “Just to see what it’s like, I mean.”  
“I guess,” Harry admits, and a really awkward moment follows. But then Ron puts his hand on his leg, and he swallows hard. Harry turns to face him, and they kiss.  
“That’s not all that different then,” Ron awkwardly laughs. “So ehm, do you want to ehm…”  
“Sure.”

“Ron had to leave early?” Sirius says, as he plates up breakfast. He and Remus had gotten home this morning, but just as they were getting home, Ron had stormed out of the house.  
“Yeah, ehm, it was some ehm, thing he had to do,” Harry lies, not even convincing himself.  
“What kind of a thing?” Remus asks, looking up from his tea. Sirius joins them at the table, and he can’t help but notice the look of both shame and confusion on Harry’s face. Neither can his husband.  
“Just a thing.”  
“Harry, what happened last night?” Sirius asks, but Harry just shrugs.  
“You know that you can tell us anything, right?” Remus asks, and Harry nods, but quickly looks down at his breakfast. “Did you two have a fight?”  
“No,” Harry quickly says, and he sighs. “Nothing like that. We ehm… last night, we slept together. Just to see what it was like,” he quickly adds, and both his godfathers have to hide their smiles, because this is exactly how their relationship had started out.  
”And, what was it like?” Remus asks.  
“I don’t know,” Harry admits. “I’m not sure.”  
“Did you enjoy it?” Sirius asks, but Harry just shrugs. “More than with a girl?”  
“I’ve never…”  
“So this was your first time?” Remus asks, and Harry nods. “With Ron, your best friend? I can see what the problem is.”  
“That is not the problem,” Harry says. “It was just because we were curious. That’s all. I would tell you if there was something going on, but there isn’t. I think. But what if he gets back with Hermione, what am I going to do then? Hi Hermione, by the way, while you two were on a break, I kind of slept with your boyfriend?”  
“Then don’t tell her,” Sirius shrugs.  
“Ron has to tell her, it’s his relationship,” Remus says. “Plus, they were not together, so technically, you did nothing wrong. You two just had a bit of harmless fun. Protected, I hope?”  
“Yes,” Harry says, feeling embarrassed.  
“Good,” Remus says. “Now eat your breakfast, before it gets cold.”  
“So, it didn’t do anything for you?” Sirius asks, continuing on the conversation, which his husband had just tried to end.  
“I don’t know. I guess…,” Harry admits, feeling really awkward, but also slightly relieved that he can openly talk about it with his godfathers. “But I really don’t fancy Ron. At all.”  
“And you don’t fancy men, at all?”  
“Let it go, Sirius,” Remus sighs.  
“Well, Harry. Your father, he slept with guys too, you know?”  
“Sirius!”  
“What? The boy is old enough to know that.”  
“But wasn’t he with my mother?” Harry asks.  
“He was, but sometimes they would fight, and go off and sulk for a couple of weeks. And your father would very often find a young man to console him.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes.”  
“Of course it all stopped once they got engaged,” Sirius says, and Remus sighs and shakes his head. Sometimes he really wishes that he could just shut husband up and lock him in a room somewhere, away from everyone else.  
“What I think he is trying to say is, figure it out in your own time, and no matter what, we will always love you, and be proud of you. And so would your parents have been,” Remus says, and Harry can’t help but smile.  
“Thanks.”  
“Really?” Remus whispers, while shooting a glare at his husband. “Seriously.”

When Remus and Sirius are in bed that night, they both can’t sleep. They are both thinking about what Harry had told them, but both for different reasons. Sirius is curious, and wants to know everything, he wants to question Harry, he wants to question Ron, he even wants to question Hermione. But Remus is just worried that this situation is going to cause friction between the friends. He takes a deep breath, and lets out a big sigh.  
”Are you okay, hun?” Sirius asks, looking over to his husband.  
“I am fine. I am just worried about Harry. We are almost like his parents now, aren’t we?”  
“I guess we are, yes.”  
“I like it,” Remus says, flashing a smile, but it is a slightly sad smile.  
“Maybe we’ll get another chance one day.”  
“No, we won’t. By the time we’ll have enough money again, and the room, we’ll be too old. But it’s okay. Harry is more than worth it.”  
“Yes, he is,” Sirius says, and he starts kissing his husband. Every time they kiss, it still feels like the first time. Every kiss still makes them feel butterflies, and they still love each other as much as they have ever done.


	4. Love and Lust

“Remus?” Harry asks, when he and his godfather are having lunch together in the court yard. Ron has been avoiding him all week, so he is getting used to having lunch with Remus.  
“Yes?”  
“Haven’t you and Sirius ever wanted to have children?”  
“We did,” Remus admits. “We were actually saving up to be put on the list.”  
“What happened?” Harry asks, but then he realises what happened. He happened. “I am so sorry.”  
“Don’t be,” Remus says. “We love you like you’re our own.”  
“But you could have become fathers, if it wouldn’t have been for me.”  
“Harry,” Remus says, looking serious. “when we took you in, we became fathers. Maybe not in the way we had planned it, but we did. And we love you so much, so don’t you ever dare think that you are in any way, shape or form a problem to us,” he says, but Harry shrugs. “I mean it. We love you.”  
“I love you guys, too.”  
“You better,” Remus says, and they both let out a laugh. But then Ron comes up to them, and Harry gets a serious look on his face.  
“Can we talk?”  
“Sure,” Harry says, and he gets up and follows Ron to a quieter place, where no one can hear them.  
“Hermione and I, we got back together,” Ron says, and Harry flashes a smile.  
“I’m glad.”  
“And I told her, about what we did.”  
“What did she say?” Harry asks, feeling nervous about being kicked out of their group of friends.  
“She asked me if it had meant more than, you know, trying it out. So I told her that it didn’t, and she’s fine with it. As long as it won’t happen again,” Ron awkwardly laughs.  
“Well, I’m glad that it isn’t a problem, and that you’re back together,” Harry says, and he means it. Ron and Hermione are meant for each other, anyone can see that.  
“Thanks. So are we all right?”  
“Yeah, of course,” Harry says, and Ron gives him a hug. When they get back to Remus, Hermione is sitting with him, and they are talking and laughing.  
“Ah, is everything all right again?” Remus asks, when the two young men join them. Harry nods, still feeling slightly awkward around Hermione.  
“Do we need to talk?” Hermione asks, noticing it, and Harry nods again. Now she and him leave, and they sit down on a bench, not too far away, but just far away enough, for Remus and Ron not to overhear them.  
“I am sorry,” Harry says, and Hermione shakes her head.  
“Don’t be, Ron explained it. It was just some experimenting, nothing more, so there’s no harm done,” she says, and Harry looks down at his hand. “That is all it was, isn’t it?”  
“Yes, of course,” Harry says, and he looks up at her.  
“You’re not in love with him, are you?”  
“No, trust me, I’m not,” Harry laughs, and Hermione flashes a smile.  
“So are you ehm… well, are you?”  
“Gay?”  
“Yes,” Hermione says, and Harry shakes his head. “Bi?”  
“I don’t know. I had never really thought about it before,” Harry admits. “But then I moved in with Remus and Sirius, and I saw how they are with each other. I guess I just, I don’t know. I’ve never even really liked someone.”  
“Never?”  
“Well, once, there was this girl, Cho, but she liked my friend, Cedric, so nothing happened. And I got over it as soon as they got together,” Harry tells. “But I’ve never liked a guy, and with Ron, that meant nothing. I guess I just don’t want to close my mind off to the possibility that I might one day like a man, you know? Even though I haven’t yet,” Harry admits, and Hermione can’t help but smile. “What?”  
“I like your way of thinking. No labels, no putting yourself in a box. Just, we’ll see what happens. I like that.”  
“Thanks, I guess,” Harry awkwardly laughs.  
“As long as you stay away from my boyfriend,” Hermione laughs. “But ehm… I do know someone who might fancy you.”  
“Who?” Harry asks, and Hermione looks around, to make sure that no one is around.  
“Ginny,” Hermione whispers. “She keeps talking about you.”  
“Really?”  
“Really.”

“Sirius?” Harry asks, when they are watching tv that night.  
“Mhm.”  
“What happened to your other friend, Peter?” Harry asks, and Sirius looks at him, a troubled look on his face. “You once said that he turned out to be a horrible person. But what happened?”  
“Well, after Remus and I had gotten together, we told our friends, and they were happy for us, or so we thought,” Sirius starts telling. “But we asked them to keep it quiet, because my parents wouldn’t accept it. I was the blackest sheep in a family full of black sheep. I was a punk, had piercings, tattoos, even back then, and I got into trouble with the police. They couldn’t stand me, really.”  
“I’m sorry,” Harry says, but Sirius shakes his head, and continues.  
“And when I told my cousin, Bellatrix, that I thought that I was falling in love with Remus, she told my parents. They threatened to kick me out of the house, or worse, to keep me there, and to never let me see him again. So I said that Bellatrix was lying, and that Remus and I were just friends, which was true at that time. But that’s why we had to make sure that they would never find out about our relationship. Your parents would always help us hide it, your mother even pretended to be my girlfriend for a little while. But apparently Peter had felt left out, because there were now two couples, and him, by himself. Even though we always included him in everything. But he hated us for it, and he took revenge by going to see my parents at work, and telling them that they needed to go home. Peter knew that Remus and I were together, so he told them to go to my room, that I was hurt, that I needed help. So they stormed into my room, and found Remus and I, in bed together. My father started beating up Remus, telling him that it was his fault, that he had somehow made me this way, that he had poisoned my mind. I couldn’t let him do it to him, so I fought my father, and that’s when my mother told me that she never wanted to see me again. I was no longer her son, no longer a part of the family.”  
“Where did you go?” Harry asks, feeling terrible for his godfather.  
“Luckily, Remus’ parents were okay with me moving in with them. They didn’t mind us being together at all, as long as we did nothing while living under their roof. I still remember his mother knocking at least for a minute, before coming into the room, to make sure that she wouldn’t walk in on anything,” Sirius laughs. “And we lived there until we were eighteen, and then we got our own place, together with your parents. But they moved out, a few months later.”  
“Was it this house?”  
“No, it was a tiny apartment, not far from here. It seemed lovely, until we actually moved in. The walls were so thin, that you could hear the neighbours whisper. And there were rats… So we saved up, and bought this house, only just before…”  
“Before what?” Harry asks.  
“Before the accident,” Sirius says. “And after, I… I couldn’t deal with the guilt, but I had to stay strong, because we had to take care of you. But then when you had to go live with your aunt and uncle, I, as they call it, lost the plot. The guilt became too much, and I took every drug I could find, to just numb the pain. It only made it worse, but of course I didn’t believe Remus, when he told me that. But it took me a few years to pick myself back up, and to get clean again. And without Remus…,” Sirius says, but then he stops talking. “Well, I wouldn’t be here right now. When he’s ill, and I sit with him, afterwards, he tells me that I shouldn’t have stayed with him, that I should leave him be. But then I think back about that time, and what he did for me. I was in bed, shaking, screaming, vomiting, but that was my own damn fault,” Sirius says, and Harry can see the tears in his eyes. “And he never once left my side. Not once. And then I see him like that, every couple of weeks, suffering. And there’s nothing I can do for him… I’m sorry Harry, I shouldn’t…”  
“It’s okay,” Harry interrupts him. “I completely understand. You love him, and you don’t want him to be in any pain.”  
“Exactly.”

It’s been a few months, and Harry is staying over at Ron’s tonight. They’re going to watch a couple of movies, so Remus and Sirius finally have the place to themselves again for an evening and night. Remus had cooked them dinner, and after they had had a candlelit dinner, they had watched a movie. They are now on the sofa, cuddled up, Sirius with his arms around Remus, Remus with his head rested on his husband’s chest.  
“I really like having Harry around,” Remus whispers, and Sirius can’t help but smile.  
“Me too. He is so much like James and Lily. Such a good kid.”  
“He makes me feel old though.”  
“We are old,” Sirius laughs. “We’re nearly forty,” he adds, and Remus makes a small grumbling sound. “But I still find you the most beautiful man I have ever seen,” Sirius then whispers, and Remus looks up at him and sees that he means it. He is fully aware of the fact that his looks aren’t spectacular, but the fact that Sirius still finds him beautiful, it makes his heart flutter. “Every time I see you, I just…,” Sirius continues, but he can’t finish his sentence, because Remus starts kissing him. They keep kissing for a little while, but then Remus starts getting up from off the sofa. Sirius looks disappointed, but when Remus reaches out his hand, he can’t help but smile. He grabs it, and he lets his husband lead him up the stairs, to their bedroom.

When Harry comes home that night, he tries to be as quiet as possible, because it is long after midnight. He was supposed to stay over at Ron’s, but the movies had been shorter than expected, so Harry had decided to come home to sleep. His godfathers must be asleep, so he goes up the stairs, quiet as a mouse. But then he hears the sounds, coming from their bedroom, and his stomach flips. He knows that he should go to his room, and go to sleep and ignore it, but his curiosity is too strong. He sees that their door is still slightly opened, so he quietly goes over to their room, and peaks into it, fully aware of how wrong it is what he is doing.  
Remus is lying on his back, his one hand clutching the sheets, his other clutching Sirius’ hair. While Sirius is on top of him, kissing his husband’s stomach. Both men are naked, and Harry keeps telling himself to leave, but he simply can’t. A moan escapes Remus’ mouth, and Harry’s stomach flips again, while his heart is racing. He watches as the two men start kissing each other, caressing each other. Every move full of love, full of passion. When he and Ron had slept together, it had been messy and clumsy, it hadn’t done much for him. But when he sees this, it most certainly does something for him. This is anything but messy and clumsy.  
“I love you,” Sirius whispers, as Remus is kissing his neck, now being the one on top.  
“I love you too,” Remus whispers, and he starts kissing his husband’s mouth again. Harry can feel his heart beating so fast, that he thinks it might explode. Still, he can’t get himself to go to his room. Remus then lies down next to his husband, and Sirius moves over, to get something out of the side table. Harry keeps watching, full of curiosity. He watches as Remus lies down on his stomach, exposing his bare back. He watches as Sirius lubes them both up, preparing them. And when Sirius pushes into Remus, Harry has to cover up his mouth, in order not to make a sound. The sounds that Remus is making, make Harry’s stomach flip, but in a way that he knows shouldn’t happen. And it isn’t until Sirius collapses, next to his husband, both men sweating and panting, that Harry quietly leaves, to go to his own room. After having gotten undressed, down to his pants, he quickly gets into bed, still ignoring the problem that he is having down there. Because as much as he is telling himself that he had not just enjoyed watching that, his lower area is telling him otherwise. But he ignores it, because he feels ashamed and embarrassed, because how could he have done that? How could he have watched them? But no matter how much he hates himself for it, he can’t stop thinking about it.

Remus and Sirius are already downstairs when Harry comes down the stairs, making sure to make noise, so they will know that he is there. They look surprised when they see him, but they don’t seem to notice the shame that he is feeling.  
“What are you doing home?” Sirius asks, as he gets up to make Harry a cup of tea.  
“I couldn’t sleep, so I got home about two hours ago,” Harry lies, as he grabs a slice of bread and covers it with some butter. He tries to not look at his godfathers, because all he can see is how they were last night, and he can actually feel his face turning red.  
“Ah, well… nothing happened, did it?” Remus asks, and Harry quickly shakes his head. “Are you sure?”  
“You and Ron didn’t sleep together again, did you?” Sirius asks.  
“No,” Harry quickly says, but he can’t get the images from last night out of his head. The way his godfathers had looked, how they had touched each other, the sounds Remus had made… How will he ever be able to look at them again?  
“Are you sure nothing is wrong?” Remus asks, and Harry nods. “Okay,” Remus adds, but it is obvious that he doesn’t believe him at all. He looks over to his husband, who just shrugs.


	5. Sacrifices

“Who is he?” Harry asks, when he and his friends are at school, a few days later.  
“That is Draco Malfoy,” Neville says. “You should avoid him. He’s a bit of a twat.”  
“I haven’t seen him before.”  
“His dad works in France for half of the year, so he goes to school there. He has only just come back,” Luna explains. “But I have heard that his father got fired, so maybe he might stay this time.”  
“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” Ron laughs.  
“No,” Luna laughs. “I don’t fancy him. I never said that. I only ever said that he is a very attractive-looking young man. And he is. Isn’t he?”  
“He is,” Harry agrees, and they all look at him, because the question really was aimed at Hermione. “What?” Harry asks, and they all shrug.  
“You should still avoid him. He’s a bully,” Neville says, and that’s when the young man with platinum blonde hair walks up to them.  
“Who’s that?” he asks, crinkling his nose.  
“Harry,” Harry introduces himself. “Harry Potter.”  
“Ah, so it is you then. I’ve heard about you. Lupin’s godson, aren’t you?” Draco asks, and Harry nods.  
“Yes.”  
“I see,” Draco. “I’m Draco Malfoy. What are you looking at, Longbottom?” Draco spits out at Neville, and Harry can see why Neville had warned him about him.  
“Nothing,” Neville quickly says.  
“I’ll see you around then, Potter,” Draco says, and he leaves. Harry can feel his friends’ eyes burning, but he simply doesn’t know what to say. That had been quite awkward, for all of them. And yet, he still wouldn’t mind seeing Draco again.

It’s been one year since Harry had moved in with Sirius and Remus, and to celebrate it, they are having a party. Sirius and Remus’ friends are there, the Weasleys, with Fred, George, Ron and Ginny. And of course Hermione, Luna and Neville are there as well. Harry had asked Ginny out, a couple of weeks ago, and they have been on a few dates. Harry thinks she’s a really sweet girl, and they’re really enjoying each other’s company. But they have only ever kissed once, mostly because Harry is keeping his distance. It has nothing to do with Ginny, but Harry cannot keep feeling awkward around her, because he did sleep with her brother, and he’s scared that she might find out, and not be as alright about it as Hermione was. He had talked to Remus about it, and Remus had given him the advice to tell her, before things got further. And before she would find out for herself, because Ron would make a silly joke about it. Which does sound like something he would do. He has tried to tell her twice before, but the right time has never come up. So he has decided to tell her tonight, at the party, before they officially become a couple, and he never finds the right time.  
Remus has just been talking to a friend, and he is now trying to find his husband, but he can’t find him. Eventually he goes upstairs, and he finds Sirius in Harry’s room, sitting on his bed. He’s staring at the photo, standing on his bedside table, the one of Lily and James, with baby Harry. Remus sits down next to his husband, and grabs his hand. Sirius looks at him, and flashes a sad smile.  
“They would have been so proud of him,” he says, and Remus nods, and looks at the photo. “I really love the kid like a son.”  
“So do I,” Remus admits, but he knows how Sirius his feeling. He is feeling the same way. They are still both scared to lose Harry, because as much as they have started seeing him like a son, he is still technically not related to them. They love having a piece of James and Lily with them, and they love being Harry’s godparents, but if Harry one day wants to leave and never come back, he can. And it terrifies them.  
Sirius rests his head on his husband’s shoulder, and Remus wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. He kisses the top of his head, and Sirius nuzzles his face into the crook of his neck.

“And then he…,” Sirius is telling one of his famous stories, and everyone is listening to them. This feels like the right moment for Harry, and he asks Ginny to sit down on the sofa with him.  
”There’s something you need to know, before this goes any further,” Harry whispers, into Ginny’s ear.  
“What? Is something wrong?”  
“No, it’s just… It meant nothing, but a few months ago, Ron and I, we…”  
“You what?” Ginny asks, and Harry feels sick with nerves.  
“We slept together. It meant nothing, but…”  
“You what?!”  
“It was just as friends, but…”  
“You slept with my brother?” Ginny asks, quite loudly, and everyone turns around and looks over to them. Molly Weasley turns back around, and looks at her three sons that are here.  
“Which one of you?” she asks, and the older brothers shrug. Ron raises his hand, looking embarrassed, while Hermione covers her face with a hand, because she is both laughing, and feeling terrible for Harry that this has just happened. But it was kind of funny.  
“Really, Ron? Your sister’s boyfriend?” Molly asks.  
”She wasn’t, not then,” Ron defends himself.  
“Wow,” Luna laughs, and she and Neville quickly leave the room, going into the small kitchen, together with most other people, simply to leave the families involved alone. It’s now only Harry and his godfathers, Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Molly.  
“It didn’t mean anything,” Harry tries to explain, but Ginny goes up to her mum, who wraps an arm around her shoulder. “It didn’t. I just wanted you to know, because… I just wanted to be honest, that’s all.”  
“You slept with my brother,” Ginny says, tears forming in her eyes. “I can’t go out with you anymore, not now I know that.”  
“But…”  
“Just give her some time,” Molly says, and she flashes a smile to Harry, while hugging her daughter. She then leads her out of the room, and Harry starts staring down at his shoes, feeling horrible.  
“She’ll get over it,” Ron says.  
“Yeah, I’m sure that once Ron has explained it to her, she’ll forgive you,” Hermione says, and Ron looks at her, mortified.  
“I have to explain to my baby sister why I had sex with my best friend, her boyfriend? Well, that’s not going to be awkward at all, is it?”  
“Oh, grow up, Ronald,” Hermione says, and she grabs his hand, and leads him out of the room, leaving Harry alone with his godfathers.  
“I’m sorry for ruining the party,” Harry says, and Sirius comes up to him, and puts an arm around his shoulder.  
“You didn’t ruin anything. If anything, you made it more memorable,” he says, and Harry can’t help but laugh.  
“Perhaps it wasn’t the best timing, but yes, people will now definitely remember tonight,” Remus laughs.  
“I’m so embarrassed.”  
“Don’t be, these people don’t care,” Sirius says, and they lead Harry back to the party. But just before they enter the room, Sirius looks at Remus, and they can both see that they are struggling not to laugh at what had just happened.

“Harry, what is this?” Sirius asks, as he holds out a letter, a few days after Harry’s seventeenth birthday.  
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Harry lies, and he tries to grab it out of his hands, but fails.  
“But it is. Why didn’t you give it to us?” his godfather asks. “Remus, did you know about this?”  
“Know about what?” Remus asks, as he looks up from some homework that he was checking.  
“This school trip, to Amsterdam. Did you know about it?”  
“I had heard about it, but I didn’t know that they had already received the forms,” Remus says, as Sirius hands him over the letter.  
“I didn’t want to give it to you, because it costs a lot,” Harry admits, and Sirius sighs.  
“Harry, we may not have much. But you are going on this trip.”  
“Really, it’s fine. I don’t have to go,” Harry tries.  
“You are going,” Remus says, and that’s that.

“I’ll take the Manchester job,” Sirius whispers, as he and Remus are in bed that night. “I’ll be gone for a few days, but it’ll make just enough money for his trip.”  
“I really wish you wouldn’t have to go.”  
“Me neither, but I want him to go on this trip, with his friends.”  
“Me too,” Remus says, and he sighs. “But I’ll miss you,” he adds, and his husband kisses him. They have never really been apart for more than a few hours, so it will be strange, and as must as they hate to admit it, it will also be a struggle. Because they simply need each other.

“So you have my number and address written down?” Sirius asks, and both Remus and Harry start laughing. Because yes, they have it written down about twenty times, because Sirius kept making them write it down. “And you will let me know when something is wrong?”  
“Yes,” Remus laughs.  
“If something happens, I will come home right away,” Sirius says, and his husband shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I just worry about you. Both of you.”  
“I know.” Remus says, still smiling, and he goes up to his husband and gives him a big kiss. “We’ll be fine.”  
“We’ll look after each other,” Harry says, flashing a smile. Sirius comes up to him, gives him a big hug, gives his husband another kiss, says goodbye another time, and leaves.  
“Let’s make a pizza,” Remus says, as he closes the door, when they can’t see Sirius anymore.  
“Really?”  
“Really.”

It’s the next morning, and Harry and Remus are just about to go to school, when Remus sits down on the sofa. Harry gives him a confused look, because they were literally just leaving.  
“Are you okay?” he asks, and Remus shakes his head. “Is it happening again?”  
“Yes,” Remus says, and Harry starts panicking, because what is he supposed to do? Sirius always takes care of Remus, and even after all this time, Harry isn’t allowed to help.  
“Should I call Sirius?”  
“No,” Remus quickly says, tears forming in his eyes, and he quickly closes them, hoping that Harry won’t see them. “Just… can you get me what you always get me, and then call the school and tell them? And then go to school, Harry.”  
“I’m not leaving you alone.”  
“Please, go to school,” Remus repeats, and Harry nods, even though Remus has his eyes closed. He grabs the bucket, wet towel, dry towel and glass of water, and goes back to the living room, where he finds Remus, trying to climb the stairs. He quickly supports him, and helps him up the stairs, to his bedroom. He sits him down on the side of his bed, and puts down the items he will need.  
“You’re sweating,” Harry says, and Remus nods, keeping his eyes closed. He takes off his jacket, and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Out of instinct, Harry helps him out of his clothes, and into bed. Harry feels terrible, but when he had just seen his godfather, only in his pants, he couldn’t help but think about that night, when he had seen Sirius and Remus making love. It still gives him chills whenever he thinks about it, which is far more often than he should.  
“Thank you,” Remus says, “Now go, please,” he whispers, and Harry does as he is told, as much as he wants to stay and take care of him. But he goes downstairs, calls the school, and then goes to school.

When Sirius comes home, four days later, he finds Remus on the sofa in the living room, curled up under a blanket, pale and shivering, warming up his hands on a cup of tea.  
“Oh, hun,” he says, and he kneels down beside him, takes the cup of tea, puts it down on the floor, and wraps his arms around his husband. “Why didn’t you call me?”  
“Harry needs this trip,” Remus whispers, and his husband lets go of him. They look into each other’s eyes, and Remus just breaks down, and starts crying. He feels so weak and vulnerable, and he has really missed Sirius, and it is all coming out now.  
“Come here,” Sirius whispers, and he sits down beside him, and holds him tight, putting one hand on his back, and the other on the back of his head. Remus is clutching him tight, and he is shaking and sobbing. “It’s okay,” he whispers, but he doesn’t let go. Not until Remus has stopped shaking.


	6. Facing the Truth

“Harry, dance with me,” Luna begs, but Harry shakes his head. They’re on the boat, on their way to Amsterdam. There’s a disco, and most of the students are dancing and enjoying themselves, but Harry isn’t. Ginny has been dancing with another guy, Dean, all evening, and it bothers Harry. Not because he is jealous, but because every time he had tried to talk to her, she had avoided him. So they never really even ended things in a normal way.  
“I’m going to get some fresh air,” Harry says, and he leaves the disco, and goes to an upper deck, where you can go outside. It is dark already, and there are only a few people around. No one from the school. Except for Draco, whom Harry hasn’t spoken to, since the day they met. So Harry stays near the door, and starts staring out at the sea, longing to be at home, watching the television with his godfathers. But then Draco comes up to him, and he sticks out a pack of cigarettes.  
“No, thanks. I don’t smoke,” Harry says, and Draco puts the pack back in his pocket, while he takes another drag from his cigarette. Draco doesn’t say a word, he just looks out at the sea, and Harry can’t help but look at him. He may be a bit of a bully, but Harry has to admit that he is kind of cool. With his jeans, his black shirt, his black jacket, his slick platinum blonde hair. He is cool.  
“Are you coming, Potter?” Draco asks, when he leaves to go back inside.  
“Sure,” Harry says, and he follows Draco, even though they still haven’t spoken. He doesn’t even know where he is following him to. They’re not friends, so why would they go anywhere together?  
“Shouldn’t you be at the disco, with your friends?” Draco asks, as they go walk through the bar, to the other side of the boat.  
“I didn’t really enjoy it,” Harry admits. “Why aren’t you there?”  
“I couldn’t be bothered with a disco,” Draco says, still leading Harry somewhere. But where, Harry doesn’t know. But then they stop, in front of the lift. Harry assumes that Draco is going to his room, so that is that. He now has to go back to the disco, or stay on his own.  
“Coming, Potter?” Draco asks, when he steps into the lift, and Harry doesn’t follow. Draco has a half-smile on his face, and Harry can’t help but smile, as he follows him. Draco presses the button for the deck where their rooms are, and the doors close. As soon as they are closed, he turns to face Harry, who is now feeling really nervous. But not in a bad way. Draco pushes him against the wall, holding a hand on his chest, so he won’t move, and he moves his mouth towards Harry’s ear. “Are you glad you left the disco?” he whispers, his breath on Harry’s skin, giving him shivers. Harry nods, nervously, and Draco starts smirking. He takes a step back, and the doors open. They step out of the lift, and Draco sticks out his hand. “After you,” he says, and Harry nods. He leads Draco to his room, grabs his room key, and quickly opens it. He is really glad that Ron is staying in Hermione’s room tonight, or this would have gotten really awkward. They step into the tiny room, where there is hardly any room to stand, let alone walk, and Draco closes the door behind them. He takes off his jacket, and hangs it up.  
“I ehm…,” Harry begins, but he isn’t even sure what he had wanted to say. Because when Draco starts taking off his shoes, his heart starts beating so loud, that he can’t even hear his own thoughts anymore.  
“What?” Draco asks, but Harry shakes his head, and he takes his shoes off as well. Draco steps up to him, and he puts a hand on his chest. He leads him towards the bunk beds, and gives a questioning look.  
“The bottom one is mine,” Harry says, nervously.  
“Good,” Draco says, and he pushes Harry down onto the bed. Harry pushes himself up onto his elbows, and he watches as Draco takes off his shirt. Draco has a smirk on his face, and Harry can feel his heart starting to beat even louder. Draco joins him on the tiny bed, and without even thinking about it, Harry kisses him. Draco kisses him back, and it’s a messy, but passionate kiss. Nothing like when Harry had kissed Ron. That had been awkward. Nice, but awkward. This is real. They keep kissing, and undressing each other, but then Draco stops, a worried look on his face. “Am I going too fast?”  
“No,” Harry quickly says, and Draco smiles, and starts kissing him again.

Harry is on the bed, still naked, watching Draco getting dressed. He is still trying to get his heartbeat to go back to normal, but it simply won’t happen.  
“Not a word to anyone about this, Potter,” Draco says, and Harry shakes his head. “If I find out you have told anyone, I will make sure…”  
“I won’t tell,” Harry interrupts him, now feeling ashamed and dirty, and he quickly covers himself up. It had been amazing, and he had felt wonderful afterwards, but now he just feels like a dirty secret.  
“Good,” Draco says, and without saying another word, he leaves the room. Harry gets up, and goes to take a shower, his tears mixing with the water.

Amsterdam had been okay, but Harry had kept thinking about what had happened, and he had still felt so dirty, so ashamed. He had just wanted to go home. They are now on the way home, and Harry is trying to sleep. Ron is staying with Hermione again, so Harry has the room to himself. But then there’s a knock on the door, and Harry assumes that it is Ron, that he has forgotten something. So he goes to open the door, but he is surprised to see that it is Draco. He reluctantly lets him in, and sits down on the side of his bed.  
“I’m sorry if I was rude last time,” Draco says, but Harry just shrugs. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just…”  
“It’s fine,” Harry lies. “Forget about it.”  
“I don’t want to,” Draco admits, and Harry looks up at him. Draco has a slight blush on his face, and Harry pats the bed, signing for him to sit down. “I had a great time last time.”  
“Me too,” Harry admits, and he looks at Draco, who is slightly smiling. Draco faces him, and they start kissing again. This time it is gentler, less rushed. It is more about exploring each other’s bodies, than about getting the job done. It is nothing like what Harry had seen in Sirius and Remus’ bedroom, but is sure getting closer than his previous first tries.

“It’s not going to happen again, is it? When we’re back home,” Harry asks, afterwards, when they are both lying on their backs, staring up at the bunk bed above them.  
“No,” Draco says, and Harry sighs.  
“So, what happens on the boat, stays on the boat?”  
“Mhm,” Draco mumbles. Harry feels a sharp sting of sadness, even though he doesn’t even want anything more from Draco. He doesn’t even really know him. But still it feels as if he is being dumped. Draco gets up and gets dressed, while Harry watches him.  
“So, goodbye then?” Harry asks.  
“Goodbye, Potter,” Draco says, flashing a smile, before leaving the room.

“Well, then you go talk to him,” Sirius says, and Remus rolls his eyes.  
“Why me? You talk to him.”  
“You’re the one who’s concerned.”  
“He find it easier to talk to you.”  
“He does not,” Sirius says, and Remus sighs, and crosses his arms. “Fine, I’ll go talk to him,” he says, but just as he is about to leave, Harry walks into the room. He hasn’t been himself since Amsterdam, and his godfathers can’t help but worry about him. He sits down at the table, and rests his chin on his hands, staring at the wall. Sirius sits down, and looks up at his husband, who is giving him a reassuring smile. “Harry, we were wondering if something has happened.”  
“No.”  
“Because you don’t seem like your old self.”  
“No,” Harry repeats, still looking at the wall.  
“Harry, we…,” Remus tries, but Harry interrupts him, raising his voice.  
“Nothing happened. Leave me alone!” he shouts, and he storms out of the room. Remus feels slightly hurt, and Sirius gets up, puts a hand on his shoulder and flashes him a small smile.  
Harry storms into his room, and slams the door. He feels terrible, but he is just so confused, so angry, so scared. Simply because he doesn’t understand how he feels. He gets into bed, and pulls the covers over his head, hoping to fall asleep, but he can’t. So all he can do is worry, and think about things even more. But then there’s a knock on the door.  
“May I come in?” Sirius asks. Harry makes a noise, not even sure if he is saying yes or no. But Sirius comes in, and sits down on the edge of the bed. Harry pulls the covers away from his head, and faces his godfather, feeling horrible about his behaviour. “What is wrong?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Harry, please don’t lie to me.”  
“I just…,” Harry begins, wanting to tell another lie, but then something inside of him breaks. He feels so tired, and he simply doesn’t have the energy to lie anymore. “When you fell in love with Remus, did you ever feel confused… about being gay, I mean?”  
“Ah, I see,” Sirius says, now understanding what is really going on. “Unfortunately for you, no, I never did. Ever since I was a little boy, I always knew that I liked boys. And as I got older, I just simply found out that it had a name. But is that why you are so upset? Do you think you might be gay?”  
“Not gay,” Harry says. “Bi, maybe… I don’t know. I’m just…”  
“Remus struggled with it a lot, when he first realised that he liked me. So maybe it’s best if you talk to him about it?” Sirius asks, and Harry nods, feeling very weak and vulnerable, but grateful that he can talk to his godfathers. “I’ll go get him,” Sirius says, and he leaves to get his husband, but not before having given his godson a big hug. Harry is still sitting on his bed, but now with his back against the wall, his legs pulled up to his chest, when Remus comes in. He sits down on the edge of the bed, and flashes a small smile.  
“Sirius told me what is going on. He also told you that I went through the same thing as you?” Remus asks, and Harry nods. “Do you want me to tell you, how things were for me?”  
“Please,” Harry says, and Remus nods, but then looks down at his hands. Obviously it is still a painful thing to think back about.  
“Well, I told you that I always noticed Sirius and his friends, didn’t I? But I had never had any friends, people always found me a bit odd. I was a skinny, tall boy, too shy to talk to people. Very insecure. I got bullied a lot when I was little, for how shy I was. Which only made me more shy. And then when I got a bit older, and I first saw Sirius, your dad, Peter, I got this feeling inside. You know, here,” Remus says, putting his hand on his stomach. “I thought it was jealousy. That I wanted to be them. So I started watching them, not in a creepy way, but when they would pull stunts, I would watch them. But one day I realised that really, I was watching Sirius. I got really confused, because he was this punk, with long hair, make-up, tattoos, piercings. I most certainly did not want to be like him. So why did I keep having this feeling inside of here? Around that time, they got me involved in one of their stunts, and I joined their group of friends. I got especially close to Sirius, and because he hated it at home, he would come over almost every day, and when I was ill, he would stay with me. But the feeling in here, it only got stronger. Still, I knew that I really did not want to be him. Then one day I read this article about falling in love. It explained how falling in love felt. I recognised it straight away. But I kept telling myself that I wasn’t in love with Sirius, because well, he was a boy, and so was I. So I tried to ignore my friends, I started snapping at my parents, I started getting bad grades at school. Simply because I kept thinking about it, I kept playing everything over in my head. I kept telling myself that no, this was not happening. And then yes, it is happening. No, I cannot like a boy. But I really like Sirius. Eventually, Sirius came over to make homework, even though I had been ignoring him for weeks. And that’s when I told him, that I might like boys. I expected him to freak out, but as I’ve already told you, he kissed me. That’s when I knew that I was into men, but that wasn’t the end of it. As much as I knew that I was in love with Sirius, I couldn’t accept it, and I really hated myself for it. It took me months to learn to deal with it. But remember, Harry, this was a different time. Nowadays, it’s not a big deal. If you are gay, or bisexual, then it really is no big deal,” Remus says, and Harry nods, looking down at his hands.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Have you ever been in love with a man?” Remus asks, but Harry just shrugs. Remus can see that he is lying, and he can’t help but smile. “Just take your time, Harry. If you are, you will know eventually. And we will love you just the same. But don’t shut us, or your friends out. It won’t help.”  
“I know. Thanks, Remus.”


	7. Changes

“It’s okay, hun,” Sirius whispers, as he holds his husband’s hand. Remus is ill again, and he is shaking and crying. The attacks have become worse, the pain more intense.  
“Kill me,” Remus cries, and it breaks Sirius’ heart. “Please, I am begging you.”  
“You’ll be okay. I promise,” he whispers, as he leans over, and kisses his husband’s tear-stained cheek.  
“No, please. I can’t take it anymore.”  
“You can. You’re strong,” Sirius whispers, but tears are rolling down his own face, and he can’t stand seeing his husband like this anymore. “I just need the toilet, but I’ll be back in a second,” he says, and he gets up and leaves. He goes to the bathroom, and splashes some cold water in his face, hoping to stop himself from crying. But he can’t. He then hears something smashing, and he runs back into the bedroom, where he finds Remus, with a piece of glass in his hand, trying to slash his wrist. But he is shaking so badly, that he has only made a deep wound to the side of his arm, and to his other hand.  
“Please,” Remus cries, and Sirius silently takes the glass from him, and checks the wounds. The one on his arm is deep, and needs stitches, but they can’t go anywhere right now. The one on his hand will be fine. “Please,” Remus begs again, but Sirius stays silent, as he leaves the room, to get bandages, and water to clean the wounds. When he comes back, Remus is quietly sobbing, while staring down at the wounds. “What have I done?” he whispers, but Sirius stays silent. He cleans the wounds, and tries to stick the bigger one together with small plasters, then covers both up with bandages. “Sirius, please look at me,” Remus cries, but Sirius ignores him. “Sirius, please!”  
“Do you think I can live without you?” Sirius then asks, looking angry. “Do you?”  
“Please, I am so sorry.”  
“I can’t, okay? I can’t live without you, you bastard!” Sirius spits out, and he storms out of the room. He goes downstairs, into the kitchen, and cleans his hands. He is crying and hyperventilating, and he feels sick. He had meant what he had just said, he cannot live without Remus. He is nothing without him. And the fact that he could have just lost him, it makes him feel absolutely awful.

It’s been two days, and Sirius hasn’t been back to see Remus. Harry has taken care of him, and Sirius has stayed downstairs, and he has slept on the sofa. Harry had asked what was wrong, but both his godfathers had ignored him. But of course he had seen the wounds on Remus’ arms, and he had figured it out for himself, but he keeps quiet about it, knowing that it is too painful.  
Sirius is downstairs, writing a review, when he hears footsteps coming down the stairs. He looks up, knowing that Harry isn’t home right now, and finds Remus, looking even weaker than usual. He quickly gets up, but doesn’t go over to his husband. Remus slowly comes up to him, and then looks him straight in the eyes, which is when Sirius sees how filled with pain they are.  
“I am so sorry,” Remus whispers. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”  
“I know,” Sirius says, and he wraps his arms around him, and hold him tight, even though it is probably hurting him.  
“Please don’t hate me,” Remus whispers into Sirius’ ear, and Sirius can hear that he is crying.  
“Never.”

It is almost Christmas, and there’s a school dance tonight. Harry is going with Luna, but just as friends. Because first of all, he doesn’t fancy her, even though he finds her brilliant, and sweet, and stunning, but he simply just sees her as a friend. And secondly, he knows that Neville fancies her, so he would never go there, and ruin their friendship. But Neville had been too scared to ask Luna, so he had asked a girl he hardly knows. The friends are now at the dance, and they are all getting drunk, slowly. Fred and George had snuck in drinks, only for the friends, and even though they know they shouldn’t, they’re still drinking. Because hey, it’s Christmas.  
“You fancy him, don’t you?” Luna asks, while she and Harry are slow dancing.  
“What?” Harry asks, feeling his cheeks burn.  
“Draco,” Luna explains. “It’s okay. I understand. He is really very attractive.”  
“How…I…”  
“You keep staring at him,” Luna laughs, and Harry looks away, feeling embarrassed. He had only told Hermione about what had happened on the boat, and only as a way to explain why he had been so upset after the trip. “This is your chance to go talk to him,” Luna says, and Harry looks back at her, a confused look on his face. “He’s going out to smoke. His friends never go with him then, do they?”  
“I guess…”  
“Go,” Luna laughs, and she slightly pushes Harry. Harry can’t help but smile, and he follows Draco out of the castle, to the court yard. Draco is standing there, looking up at the stars, not even smoking.  
“Hi,” Harry nervously says, and Draco turns around to face him.  
“Hi,” Draco says, but Harry can’t tell if he is pleased to see him or not. “Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend?”  
“Luna? She’s not my girlfriend,” Harry explains, but then a silence follows. “Do you maybe want to hang out some time?” he eventually asks, and Draco looks down at his feet, a sad look on his face.  
“I can’t.”  
“But…”  
“I can’t!” Draco repeats, now sounding angry.  
“Hermione told me,” Harry says, Draco now looking back up at him. “About the boy last year. That you slept with him, and he got expelled.”  
“You know nothing about it.”  
“Then explain it to me,” Harry tries, and he takes a step closer to Draco.  
“It’s my father, he… he won’t let me be myself. Be gay.”  
“Why not?”  
“He’s scared that I’ll blacken the family name. That people will see us as scum,” Draco explains, and Harry feels horrible for him. “So when he found out about Mitch… he made sure that he got expelled, and that I would never see him again.”  
“So that’s why it had to stay on the boat, what we did…”  
“I didn’t want you to get expelled,” Draco admits, and he looks back up at the stars.  
“You were trying to protect me.”  
“I like you, Potter,” Draco confesses, still looking up at the stars, and Harry swallows hard, feeling nervous.  
“I like you too,” he admits, and Draco looks at him, a small smile on his face. “I’d really like to get to know you better.”  
“I know,” Draco says, and he sighs. “But we can’t. If my father were to find out…”  
“We can be friends though, can’t we?”  
“Yes… I’d like that,” Draco says, and he starts smiling again. Harry can’t help but smile again. And they both look up at the stars. Harry can feel Draco’s fingers brushing his, but only slightly, and it gives him chills.

When Remus wakes up, on Christmas morning, he finds his husband looking at him, with the sweetest smile on his face.  
“Hi,” he whispers, and Sirius’ smile grows.  
“Good morning,” he whispers, and he gives Remus a kiss. He then leans over to his side table, and gets something out of it. It’s a package, wrapped horribly, so wrapped by Sirius himself, and he hands it over to his husband.  
“I thought we were giving presents after breakfast?”  
“We are, but I wanted to give this to you now,” Sirius says, still smiling. They both sit up, their backs against the walls, and Remus quickly opens the package. In it is something that looks like a metal-shaped book, so he opens it, and finds out that it’s a photo frame. On the left side is a photo of Sirius and him, on their wedding day. On the right is a photo of them with Harry, at his sixteenth birthday party. “There’s an inscription on the back,” Sirius says, and Remus turns it around, and reads it.  
 _For my beautiful husband. You are the love of my life, and you make me the happiest man in the world. I love you. Love, Sirius._  
“Thank you so much,” Remus whispers, tears in his eyes, and he quickly gives his husband a kiss. “I love you so much,” he then whispers, as he puts down the frame, and he wraps his arms around Sirius’ neck. He is still fully aware of how much he had hurt and scared him, back when he had tried to kill himself, even though he had never really wanted to die, and leave him, or Harry for that matter, behind. And the guilt is eating him up inside, even though Sirius has already forgiven him. But he sees the scar on the side of his arm every single day, and he hates it.  
“I love you too,” Sirius whispers back, and Remus lets go of him. “You’re not thinking about it again, are you?” he asks, when he sees the sad look in his husband’s eyes.  
“I can’t help it.”  
”Well, I can think of a way to distract you.” Sirius smirks, and he takes the frame and puts it on the side table.  
“Oh, can you now?” Remus laughs, as he lies down on his back.  
“I think so, yes,” Sirius laughs, and he starts kissing his husband, loving to see him laughing again.

“Wow, you’re up late,” Harry says, when his godfathers finally come down the stairs that morning. He has been watching television for quite some time already, waiting for them to come downstairs, so they can have Christmas breakfast together.  
”Sorry, we slept in,” Sirius laughs, but Remus can’t help but get a smile on his face.  
“Right…”  
“Let’s have breakfast, yes?” Remus quickly says, and he goes into the kitchen. Sirius goes up to his godson, and gives him a big hug.  
“Merry Christmas, Harry.”  
“Merry Christmas, Sirius.”

“Go on, Harry, tell them what you got for us,” Remus says, during dinner that night. The Weasleys have come over, only with Ron and Ginny this time, and Ron had brought Hermione.  
“It’s really no big deal…”  
“It is,” Sirius says. “He got us a trip to Paris.”  
“Saved up all his pocket money for months,” Remus says, and Harry can feel his cheeks burning. He had wanted to get a job, as soon as he had moved in here, but Remus and Sirius had asked him not to, so he could focus on his education. But they had given him the choice. He had not taken a job, so Remus and Sirius had started giving him pocket money. He had felt terrible about it, because they already have very little money. So he decided to save most of it up for presents for them. He didn’t need much for himself anyway.  
“That is so sweet, Harry,” Hermione says, and Harry feels even more awkward now.  
“Don’t look at me, I got you a cookbook,” Ron says, looking at his mum.  
“Which your auntie had given to you last year.”  
“I don’t cook.” Ron shrugs, and they can’t help but laugh.  
“So when are you going?” Arthur asks.  
“He has taken care of that as well,” Sirius says, beaming like a proud parents. “He actually got both of us a couple of days off from work.”  
“First week of January,” Remus says, actually answering the question.  
“Wow, you’re lucky with a son like that,” Molly laughs, not even realising what she has just said. But the three did realise, and didn’t mind at all. Actually, all three can’t help but smile at the thought. It’s been only two years since Harry had moved in with them, but they all can’t imagine life any other way.

It’s the day before Sirius and Remus are going to Paris, and they are packing their bags. Harry knocks on their door, even though it is open, and he enters the room.  
“Can we talk?” he asks, and both his godfathers turn to face him.  
“Of course, is something wrong?” Remus asks, and Harry shakes his head.  
“Can you sit down?” he asks, and the two men sit down on the bed, while Harry stays right where he is. He feels nervous, but he has thought about this, and now is the perfect time to tell them. Because they are leaving, and it will give them some time to think about it.  
“What is it, Harry?” Sirius asks.  
“I ehm… I have figured it out, and I am. Not gay I mean, but bi,” Harry says, feeling his heart race, but all his godfathers do is laugh.  
“We already knew that, didn’t we,” Sirius laughs.  
“Harry, is this why you’ve been stressed out all morning?” Remus asks, and Harry nods. “We figured it out a long time ago, simply from the things you said. And there’s obviously a boy out there for whom you have feelings.”  
“We don’t care, obviously,” Sirius laughs, and Harry feels a bit silly. Because why had he been so stressed out? Of course it would be no big deal. They’re a gay couple, for god’s sake. And he had talked to them about it already. But still, to officially come out to them, it had stressed him out. A lot.  
“So what is his name?” Remus asks.  
“Draco,” Harry admits, and the smile disappears from Remus’ face.  
“Draco Malfoy?” he asks, and Harry nods.  
“Lucius’ son?” Sirus asks.  
“Yes,” Remus confirms, and he lets out a sigh. “I assume you know about his previous boyfriend, what happened to him?”  
“I do,” Harry says. “But he’s not my boyfriend. We’re just getting to know each other.”  
“Please watch out for yourself, Harry. Because you do not want Lucius Malfoy as your enemy,” Remus warns him. “Don’t get me wrong, if you two are in love, then go for it, but be careful, please.”  
“I know, thanks,” Harry says, and his godfather gets up and comes over to hug him. “I’ll ehm… I’ll leave you to it,” he then says, and after Sirius has given him a hug as well, he leaves the room, to go to his own room. He really doesn’t understand why he had been so stressed out, because now that he has simply said the words, he feels much better. Much more relieved.


	8. A New Beginning

Sirius and Remus have been in Paris since yesterday, and they’ve been to visit the Louvre, to see the Notre Dame, and to see the Eiffel Tower. Sirius had been so bored in the Louvre, that at one point he had actually almost fallen asleep, standing up. But he knew that Remus loved it, so he fought his exhaustion, and forced a smile upon his face. Because seeing the smile on Remus’ face, it meant the world to him. And after they had visited the Eiffel Tower that night, and had watched the lights, they had had dinner. It had been romantic, but both of them could tell that something was missing. Things simply aren’t the same anymore.  
They have just had breakfast, at the hotel, and they are now back in their room, to grab their things for the day. Remus is sitting on the bed, putting everything into his backpack, when Sirius sits down behind him, and wraps his arms around him. Remus smiles, but continues packing his backpack. Sirius starts tickling his tummy, and now Remus can’t ignore him anymore.  
“Stop it,” he laughs, and he puts down the backpack.  
“Why?” Sirius asks, sounding really serious, and Remus turns to face him, not liking the tone in his husband’s voice. “Why can’t I tickle you? Why do things always have to be so serious?”  
“Serious…,” Remus then says, and he slightly chuckles.  
“That is what I mean, Remus,” Sirius says, still looking deadly serious. “You used to laugh about me using the word serious all the time. We used to laugh and have fun.”  
“We still have fun…”  
“We watch movies with Harry.”  
“Yes,” Remus says, understanding what his husband is saying. He looks down at his hands, and sees the scar on his arm peeking out from under his sleeve. Things hadn’t been perfect before then, but that is when they reached rock bottom. When he had tried to kill himself. “I’m sorry.”  
“Remus…,” Sirius says, when he sees his husband looking down at the scar, and he grabs his hand. “Why don’t we start over? Why don’t we have tickle fights again, and laugh about my name? Make out when we want to, run around the hotel naked…”  
“I think that that would be highly inappropriate,” Remus laughs, looking up at Sirius, who is smiling.  
“So? Let’s do it, let’s start enjoying ourselves again.”  
“But…”  
“No buts.”  
“Sirius, we have got Harry to think about now,” Remus says, and Sirius nods.  
“We do, but he is old enough to take care of himself now, or to ask for help if he needs it. We need to start living for ourselves again, or…”  
“I know,” Remus quickly interrupts him, knowing what Sirius was going to say. Or their marriage won’t last. “I just…”  
“What?” Sirius asks, a worried look on his face, when he sees the tears forming in Remus’ eyes.  
“This is all my fault.”  
“It’s not. Don’t you dare… we just need a fresh start, a new beginning. And what better place to start over, than in Paris?” Sirius asks, as he wipes a tear from the corner of his husband’s eye. “We’re going to be okay. I promise.”

Harry has spent the better part of the day cleaning his room, and getting himself ready for tonight. But now that it is actually already ten past seven, he is starting to get nervous. They did say seven, didn’t they? What if it was all just some stupid joke? What if he hadn’t really meant it? What if he is being stood up? But then there’s a quick knock on the door, and Harry runs over, and opens it. Draco is standing there, looking nervous, and Harry quickly lets him in, and closes the door behind him.  
“Hi,” he says, flashing a smile.  
“Hi,” Draco says, still looking nervous.  
“I ehm, I thought maybe we could order pizza,” Harry suggests, but when he sees Draco nervously looking around, he laughs. “Don’t worry, they’re in Paris. They won’t be back for another couple of days.”  
”Good,” Draco says, now looking a lot more relaxed, and he takes off his jacket. They’re still in the hallway, and it’s slightly awkward, which is making Harry wonder if maybe this was a mistake. But then Draco kisses him, and he forgets all about what he had been worrying about only seconds ago.

Sirius and Remus have just been out to dinner, and they’re now walking back to their hotel. They’re holding hands again, in public, which they haven’t done in years, and when Sirius looks over to his husband, he sees a sweet smile on his face. It’s the smile he used to have on his face, when they first started dating, and first held hands. A slightly nervous, but an ‘I love you so much, and I can’t believe you’re all mine’ kind of smile. Seeing that smile again, brings all kinds of feelings back for Sirius, and he stops walking. Remus gives him a confused look, but he’s still still smiling, and Sirius just laughs and pulls him in for a kiss. They’re in the middle of a street, but it doesn’t even matter. They share a kiss that brings tears to their eyes. All day they had been laughing, and giggling, the way they used to, when they had first met, and this kiss, here, in an old street in Paris, it was the perfect way to end it.

When Remus wakes up the next morning, with Sirius’ arm resting on his chest, he can’t help but smile. Yesterday really had been like a new beginning, the fresh start they had needed. He raises his arm, and looks at the scar on his arm. It used to make him feel sick, filled with guilt that was eating him up. But now it just makes him sad.  
“Stop it,” Sirius whispers, still half asleep. He had just woken up, and saw Remus staring at the scar. “That is in the past.”  
“I know,” Remus whispers, and Sirius nuzzles his face into the crook of his neck, making Remus giggle, because it tickles. Sirius starts kissing his neck, knowing the exact spot that makes Remus forget about everything. A sound escapes from Remus’ mouth, as he closes his eyes, and he can feel Sirius smiling, as he keeps kissing the spot in his neck. Remus had never even known that he had had a sensitive spot there, until, back when they where teenagers, Sirius had once kissed him there. From then on, it had almost become his little weapon of torture, because with one kiss, he could turn him on. Just like that. But as they had gotten older, Sirius had stopped kissing him there, and Remus thought that Sirius had forgotten all about it. But he has no trouble finding it today, and Remus is trying really hard to not make a sound. But then Sirius stops, and Remus opens his eyes, and looks at him, his heart pounding. Sirius has a mischievous smile on his face, and he is biting his lip.  
“You know that that is not fair,” Remus says, and Sirius laughs. “You cannot do that to me, and then just stop.”  
“Can’t I?”  
“No,” Remus laughs. “You know you can’t.”  
“And why is that then?” Sirius asks, that mischievous look still on his face. His arm had still been on Remus’ chest all that time, but he now moves it under the covers, still smiling.  
“Now you’re just being cruel,” Remus says, when Sirius rests his hand on his husband’s hipbone.  
“Remus?” Sirius laughs.  
“Yes?”  
“Shut up.”

It’s been two days, and Draco is still staying over with Harry. They have spent most of their time in bed, but they have also spent time getting to know each other. They actually get along quite well, and Harry now understands Draco a bit more. He understands why he is as rude as he is, even though he still doesn’t agree with it. Because he could simply be nicer. But his parents treat him terribly, because he always has to be the best, and if he isn’t, then they will shout at him, and they will keep telling him how much of a failure and an embarrassment to the family he is. So he simply has never been taught to be kind to be people. But to Harry he is kind, and they actually laugh a lot as well. But Draco has to go back home today, because Remus and Sirius are coming back home tonight.  
“I wish you wouldn’t have to leave,” Harry says, and Draco nods. They’re on the sofa, cuddled up, Draco with his arms around Harry, who has his head rested on Draco’s chest.  
“Me neither.”  
“I ehm… I was wondering,” Harry says, feeling really nervous now. “What happens now?”  
“I don’t know,” Draco admits, and Harry looks up at him. “I mean, we could keep seeing each other, in secret.”  
“I’d like that.” Harry looks back down again, feeling a bit less nervous now.  
“Me too,” Draco says. “So I guess that ehm… that would make you my boyfriend, wouldn’t it?”  
“Yes.” Harry can’t help but smile. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”  
“Well, I’m pleased to be your first,” Draco says, and Harry looks up at him, still smiling. They kiss, and then Draco sighs. “I’ve really got to go now,” he says, and they both get up. He puts on his jacket, grabs his backpack, and comes back up to Harry. “So I’ll see you around, huh?”  
“Yes.”  
“Bye, Potter.”

When Sirius and Remus get home that night, Harry is making his homework, trying not to think about Draco. But when he sees his godfathers, all loved up, and much happier than they were before they left, he cannot help but feel a sting of jealousy going all through his body.  
“So how was it?” he asks, trying to force a smile on his face.  
“It was brilliant. Did you know that the statues on the outside of the Notre Dame…,” Sirius begins his story.  
“…and we had a lovely time. Thank you so much, Harry. It was exactly what we needed,” Remus says, a big smile on his face, while Sirius has his hand rested on his lower back.  
“You seem different,” Harry says, and both men look at each other, smiling.  
“Let’s just say that we found each other again,” Sirius says. “And ehm… I know that you noticed it as well, but things weren’t perfect between us lately. But we’re okay again.”  
“More than okay,” Remus adds, and Harry can’t help but smile.  
“I’m glad.”

“It’s freezing outside,” Ron says, as he is staring out of Harry’s bedroom window. “Hermione actually wanted me to go for a walk the other day. In this weather. It’s bloody freezing.”  
“Well, that’s usually what happens in the winter.”  
“Are you in a bad mood, or what?” Ron asks, and he turns around to face his friend, who is sitting on the bed, cuddled up to his knees. “Here I thought that Ginny could be bad. Geez, she really bites my head off, when she’s in one of her moods. You really wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her…,” Ron rambles, but he stops when he sees that something is bothering Harry. So he sits down on the bed, and keeps quiet.  
“It’s nothing,” Harry says, even though Ron hadn’t actually asked.  
“Hermione, she ehm… she kind of told me, about you and Draco,” Ron admits, and Harry nods.  
“Yeah, she told me,” Harry says, feeling slightly awkward. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I just thought that it might be a bit awkward, you know, after we… I didn’t want you to think that I…”  
“I didn’t,” Ron quickly interrupts him, and he flashes a comforting smile. “Think you fancied me back then, I mean.”  
“Good,” Harry says, flashing a shy smile.  
“So what is it, that is really bothering you?” Ron asks, and Harry lets out a big sigh. He is meant to keep it a secret, but Ron is right, it is really bothering him. And he has been horrible to everyone because of it. But then a long silence follows, and Ron is the first to break it.  
“I still can’t believe you slept with Malfoy. I mean, out of everyone in our school…”  
“We’re together, in secret,” Harry admits, and Ron’s mouth literally falls open.  
“You what?”  
“We’re seeing each other, but no one can find out. Because if his father were to find out, then…”  
“Yeah…,” Ron interrupts him, still looking shocked. “Sleeping with him is one thing, but dating him?”  
“So that is what’s bothering me. I really like him, but I have to keep it a secret, and on top of that, Sirius and Remus are acting more loved up than ever.”  
“Ah… and they don’t know?”  
“No.”  
“Well, then I can understand why you’ve been acting like a little bitch for the last couple of weeks.”  
“Thanks,” Harry says, but he can’t help but laugh. Even telling one person, it had helped. And now that he can talk about it, he feels less frustrated.


	9. Making Plans

“Harry, will you please help me do the dishes?” Remus asks. He is still feeling weak, because he has been ill again. Sirius is out, to a music festival, and Remus wants him to come back to a clean house. Harry had always helped out in the house, so his godfather feels like he isn’t asking for much, especially not now he is still recovering from being ill.  
“I’ve got homework,” Harry says, and he leaves the kitchen.  
“Harry?” Remus asks after him, and he puts down a plate, and follows him into the living room. “Please, it’ll take only a few minutes. Afterwards you can do as you please, and I won’t ask you for anything again. But just help me out with this?”  
“No! I just told you, I’ve got homework,” Harry says, looking irritated, and he grabs his phone from the table, and storms towards the hallway. The door opens, and Sirius walks in. Harry storms up the stairs, stomping his feet, even though Remus still has a headache.  
“Harry, please don’t be like this,” Remus tries, as he follows Harry into the hallway. He sees his husband standing there, looking confused.  
“No, do it yourself!” Harry shouts, as he storms into his room.  
“What is going on?” Sirius asks, as he wraps his arms around Remus, who is looking really quite upset. He knows how much Remus loves Harry, and how much it hurts when Harry shouts at him, and treats him like that. But unfortunately, lately he has been acting this way a lot.  
“I asked him to help me with the dishes. He said he had homework, so I should have let it go, but…”  
“No, don’t,” Sirius says, and he lets go of Remus. “Don’t blame yourself. He has been like this for weeks, to me as well. But I really don’t think it has anything to do with us.”  
“I just want him to be happy again,” Remus says, and Sirius nods, and puts a hand on the side of Remus’ face.  
“I know, hun. Me too,” he says, and he gives him a kiss. “I’ll go try and talk to him. Again,” he adds, and he goes up the stairs. He knocks on Harry’s door, but there’s no answer. So he opens it, and finds Harry sitting on the bed, typing away on his phone. “Put it down,” Sirius says, as he goes to stand in front of the bed.  
“No,” Harry says, staring at the screen.  
“Put it down. Now.” Sirius repeats, raising his voice.  
“Piss off,” Harry says. Sirius grabs the phone out of his hands, and throws it against the wall. Harry looks scared, and Sirius is glad. At least he has made his point.  
“Who the hell do you think you are?” Sirius asks, raising his voice, sounding really angry. Harry has never seen or heard him like this, and it is really quite intimidating. “We took you in, we give you everything you need, we work day and night to provide for you. We love you like you’re our own. And this is how you treat us?” Sirius asks, shouting at the teenager. “You know what? I can deal with it, I’ve seen kids like you. I’ve been like you. Acting tough on the outside, treating people like dirt, because something is wrong, in here,” he adds, pointing at his head. “But don’t you dare treat Remus like that. He has been nothing but good to you. He would die for you. So don’t you dare treat him like this. Don’t you fucking dare!”  
“I…,” Harry tries, but no other words leave his mouth. His heart is racing, and tears are burning in his eyes. Tears of embarrassment, of shame, of regret.  
“Don’t,” Sirius says, and without saying another word, he leaves the teenager’s room. He goes downstairs, and finds Remus sitting at the bottom of the stairs, crying. Sirius knows that it is because he has just shouted at Harry, and Remus thinks that they should never shout at Harry. But honestly, Remus is too nice sometimes, too good for this world. What Sirius had said, was the truth. He used to be like Harry, treating people like dirt, because he felt bad about something that had nothing to do with the people he was being horrible to. So he also knows how to deal with it.  
“He just…”  
“I know,” Remus interrupts his husband, and he gets up. “But that doesn’t make it any easier.”  
“True. But hopefully it has worked,” Sirius says, and they go into the living room. They sit down on the sofa, and cuddle up, leaving the dishes for what they are.  
They are still cuddled up, when footsteps start coming down the stairs. They come carefully, nothing like how Harry has been stomping up and down the stairs for the past few weeks. Harry comes into the living room, his head hanging down, his eyes red from crying.  
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and his two godfathers let go of each other and sit up. “I ehm… I’m just really sorry. I truly am.”  
“Good,” Sirius says, still showing him some tough love.  
“And Remus…,” Harry begins, but then he stops, looking down at his hands.  
“I’ll leave you two to it,” Sirius says, and he leaves the room. Remus signs for Harry to come over, so Harry sits down next to him, feeling really uncomfortable and guilty.  
“I am so sorry for how I’ve been acting, I just…”  
“I know,” Remus says, flashing a small smile.  
“And I didn’t mean those things I said to you last week. I don’t know what I was thinking… I really am so so sorry. I do love you,” Harry says, his voice breaking, as he is fighting his tears.  
“I know, and I love you too, Harry. Come here,” Remus says, choking up as well. He gives his godson a big hug, and they both stay there for a while, crying, until Sirius enters the room again.  
“Care to share the love?” he asks, and they open up the hug, so Sirius can join.

Harry is outside, staring at the spring flowers, when someone grabs his arm. He turns around, and sees Draco, looking nervous.  
“What’s wrong?” he asks, immediately assuming the worse.  
“Follow me,” Draco orders, and Harry does as he is told. He follows Draco to an empty classroom, and Draco locks the door behind them.  
“Where did you get…”  
“I took them,” Draco says, as if it’s no big deal, and he puts the keys back into his pocket. “What? It’s not as if they are going to expel me,” he shrugs. Which is true, because his father knows people, and he would never allow his son to be expelled, or suspended, not even over something like stealing a teacher’s keys.  
“Why did you bring me here?”  
“I was wondering what you’re doing this summer.”  
“I’m probably spending it at home, watching far too many black and white movies with Remus. And I’ll probably go and see a bunch of bands with Sirius. Why?” Harry asks, as he sits down on the teacher’s desk, actually feeling like a bit of a rebel for doing it.  
“I was thinking, maybe we can go away together. Go to Amsterdam again for a couple of days. Or some other place. If you’re up for it.”  
“Yeah, of course.”  
“We’d need a good cover though. You’d probably need to tell Ron, so he’d cover for you to Lupin.”  
“Ron knows,” Harry admits. “And so does Hermione…”  
“What? Why?” Draco asks, looking both scared and hurt. “I thought we were keeping this a secret? Don’t you know what would happen if my father were to find out?”  
“I know, but they’re my best friends, and they won’t tell anyone. And they will help us. I promise.”  
“They better.”

It’s the morning of Remus’ birthday, and Harry has just woken up. The last few weeks have been tough, because he is struggling with having a secret relationship, which basically means that he can see Draco only a few minutes every other day. And maybe a few hours, when both Sirius and Remus are out of the house. And Sirius and Remus are still happier than ever, which is only making Harry think about Draco more.  
When he enters the kitchen, he quickly covers his eyes with his hands.  
“Oh, god,” he says, and he backs away out of the kitchen again. He had just found his godfathers enjoying themselves a bit too much on the kitchen table.  
“Sorry about that,” Remus says, his face flushed, as he comes into the living room, a minute later. “Sirius is ehm…”  
“Cleaning the table?” Harry suggests.  
“Yes,” Remus says, looking a bit embarrassed.  
“Happy birthday,” Harry says, simply not knowing what else to say. But in this situation, after what he had just walked in on, it just seems a bit of an awkward comment.  
“Thanks, Harry.”  
“All cleaned up,” Sirius says, as he comes into the room, a big smile on his face. He wraps an arm around his husband’s waist, and kisses the side of his neck. Remus’ face turns bright red, and he quickly pushes Sirius away.  
“Ehm, yes,” he says. “Ehm, let’s have breakfast, yes?”  
“Sure,” Harry says, but honestly, he wants to disappear right now. This has got to be the most awkward morning of his life.

They were planning on having a party for Remus’ birthday. But then a few days ago he had gotten ill again, and he had asked them to cancel it. He had preferred to celebrate it with just Sirius and Harry. But Sirius had just gotten a call, and he had to leave, but it had been a bit of a mystery where to. So Remus and Harry are now watching a movie, one of those black and white ones that Remus loves.  
“Is that Sirius?” Harry asks, when he hears noise near the front door. He gets up, and goes to see what is going on. When he sees what Sirius is carrying, he cannot help but laugh. Remus turns off the tv, and they both walk into the living room.  
“Surprise.” Sirius grins, as he holds up the fluffy little thing in his hands.  
“A puppy?” Remus asks, looking confused. “You got me a puppy?”  
“Yes, I did,” Sirius says, and he hands over the little thing to his husband. “Do you like him?”  
“Like him?” Remus asks, a big smile on his face, as he looks down at the little thing in his arms. It starts licking his face, and Sirius is pretty sure that he can feel his heart melting. The small thing is grey and white, and he has got bright blue eyes. He looks like a small wolf. “He is perfect.”  
“He’s going to be a lot bigger, but I figured that’d be fine,” Sirius says, as he starts petting the puppy.  
“What is his name?” Harry asks, feeling really excited, because he had always loved dogs. But he was never allowed to have one, back where he used to live.  
“He doesn’t have one yet.”  
“Do you want to name him?” Remus asks, and the puppy starts licking his face again. His face is beaming, and his smile honestly couldn’t get any bigger.  
“No, you go ahead,” Sirius says, and the puppy gives a little bark. Remus puts it down on the floor, and it starts walking around, curious to see his new home.  
“Jimmy,” Remus says, and both Sirius and Harry look at him. Harry with a confused look on his face, Sirius with a loving smile on his face.  
“Why Jimmy?” Harry asks.  
“It’s just a nice name,” Remus says, as he keeps looking at the puppy. But Sirius knows better, and he grabs his husband’s hand, giving it a small squeeze. They share a look, and then look back at the puppy, who has just started to chew on one of Sirius’ boots.

“Just a nice name, huh?” Sirius asks, when he and Remus are in bed that night.  
“I didn’t want him to think that I named the puppy after them for the wrong reasons.”  
“What wrong reasons could there be?”  
“Hi Harry, I named a puppy, an animal, after your dead parents. I see your parents as animals,” Remus says, and Sirius can’t help but laugh. One day, back at school, they had had a conversation about the future, about marriage, about having children. James and Lily had already decided that they would want to have a baby. The four of them had then thought of names, and eventually they had all come up with loads of names, Harry being one of them. But they had, for then, settled on Jimmy, the name combined from James and Lily. And for years, they had talked about ‘Jimmy’ when they had talked about the future and their future baby. Naming the puppy Jimmy, it reminds them of those conversations, of making future plans with their friends. Of having fun with their friends.  
“I’m sure he wouldn’t think like that,” Sirius says, but Remus shrugs. “Are you just a bit embarrassed?”  
“A bit,” Remus admits. “But I just felt like remembering them, and honouring them. Thanking them.”  
“What for?”  
“I know that it must sound horrible, but for giving us the perfect family,” Remus says, feeling guilty. But Sirius understands how he means it, and he feels his entire body burning with love and pride.  
“It isn’t horrible at all. And it is.”  
“It is what?” Remus asks, looking confused.  
“Perfect.”


	10. Never the Same Again

It’s the summer holidays, and they have all graduated. The Weasleys are off to Romania, taking Hermione with them. Sirius and Remus had assumed that Harry would be sad, or lonely, so they had made loads of plans for the summer. But he actually seems to be upbeat and cheery. And yesterday he had told them that he is going over to Romania, on his own, to join his friends. Ron and Hermione had known about the lie, but Ron’s family had known nothing about it. So when Remus had phoned them up, to ask them about the details, it had come to light that it was a lie. Harry had had to admit that he was secretly seeing someone, and that he was going away with them, that Ron was covering for him. He had been forgiven for lying, but he wasn’t allowed to go away anymore. Mostly because he refused to tell who it was that he was going with. But luckily for him, Sirius has to go away for work a lot, and Remus has taken a summer job, as a summer school teacher. So Harry will have the house to himself a lot. Which means that Draco can come over quite often.  
“So you’re really not going to tell us?” Sirius asks, during breakfast.  
“No,” Harry says, and he quickly stuffs his mouth with a piece of toast.  
“Can you at least tell us if we know them?” Remus asks, but Harry just shrugs. “I guess that’s another no then.”  
“Exactly. It’s private,” Harry says, and he feels guilty, but he knows that he has to keep it a secret. Which in itself points into Draco’s direction. Because his godfathers know that he had a thing for him in the past, so why shouldn’t it be him now? And he would have to keep it a secret, with his father being the way he is.  
“Okay, fair enough. But we will find out,” Sirius laughs.  
“No, you won’t.”

“So, who do you think it is?” Sirius asks, when he and his husband are in bed that night.  
“Please tell me you are not gossiping about our godson’s love life,” Remus laughs, and Sirius shrugs, smirking.  
“You cannot tell me that you are not curious about it. Or that you don’t have a suspicion.”  
“I do,” Remus admits, and Sirius raises an eyebrow. “But I am not telling you.”  
“Aren’t you, now?” Sirius asks, and he starts kissing Remus’ neck.  
“Fine, I’ll tell you,” Remus laughs, as he carefully pushes his husband away, before he reaches the spot that will send him over the edge.  
“I thought you would.” Sirius smirks.  
“I think it may be Draco. Why else would it be so important to him to keep it a secret?”  
“That’s what I was thinking as well,” Sirius admits, now looking serious. “I am happy for Harry that he has found someone, but Lucius can be dangerous.”  
“Tell me about it,” Remus says, thinking back about the time that he was beaten up by Lucius and his friends, a few years ago. Remus had given Draco extra homework, because he had missed half a year because he had been in France. Lucius hadn’t been happy with it, so he and his friends had beaten up Remus. Of course going to the police would have been futile, because half of the men there are friends of Lucius.  
“I just want him to be happy, and safe.”  
“Who knows, maybe it’s someone else,” Remus says. “Or maybe they will manage to keep it a secret until they can get away from Lucius.”  
“Let’s hope so.”

It’s been two weeks, and Harry and Draco have secretly seen each other quite a few times. But not in a few days, because Lucius has been asking questions. So the two young men text each other all through the day, and that will have to do for now. It’s now late in the evening, and Harry is watching a movie with his godfathers. He is sitting on the chair, while they are cuddled up on the sofa, together with Jimmy. But Harry cannot stop thinking about Draco. He hates to admit it, but he has really fallen in love with him. All of the sudden there’s a knock on the door, and Harry jumps up. He goes over to see who it is, and when he opens the door, he finds Draco standing there, with a black eye, his shirt torn, and his eyes red from crying.  
“Come in,” Harry says, and after Draco has entered the house, he closes the door behind him. “What happened?” he asks, as he wraps his arms around his boyfriend.  
“Who is it?” Sirius asks, but Harry ignores him. Draco is sobbing and shaking, so all he is focussing on, is on trying to calm him down.  
“Draco?” Remus asks, when he and his husband come into the hallway. “What are you doing here?”  
“He is hurt,” Harry says, as he lets go of him.  
“Follow me,” Sirius says, and he leads them all to the kitchen, where he makes a cup of tea for all of them. Harry grabs a bag of peas out of the freezer, and gives them to Draco, to put on his eye.  
“What happened to you, Draco?” Remus asks, when they are all sitting at the kitchen table, with a cup of tea, and the blonde teenager has stopped crying.  
“My father, he knows,” Draco says, and he looks up at Harry. “He knows, Harry.”  
“How?”  
“He took my phone, and he saw our messages. I tried to take it from him, and I lied, but…”  
“So it is you then?” Sirius asks. “Harry’s secret boyfriend?”  
“Yes,” Harry admits. “I’m sorry.”  
“No,” Sirius says. “That’s not why I ask. We only want to understand the situation. Did your father hit you?”  
“Yes. He doesn’t want me to be gay, and I told him that I’m not. Not anymore. That I had a girlfriend, but… We got into a fight, and that’s when he took my phone.”  
“Do you want to go to the police?” Remus asks, but Draco quickly shakes his head.  
“They threw me out,” he says, looking down at his cup of tea, and Harry quickly grabs his hand. Draco looks at him, and Harry flashes a supportive smile.  
“You can stay here for as long as you need,” Sirius says. “You’ll have to share Harry’s room, but I’m assuming that that won’t be a problem,” he says, and Draco flashes a small smile.  
“Why are you so nice to me?” he asks. “I know what my father did to you,” he says, looking at Remus.  
“Well, that’s in the past. There’s no point in holding grudges, is there? Plus, that wasn’t your fault.”  
“Thank you,” Draco says, Harry still holding his hand.  
“No problem. Just go and get cleaned up, and we’ll talk about things in the morning,” Remus says. Without having touched their tea, Draco and Harry get up.  
“Thank you,” Harry says, looking at his godfathers, before going upstairs with his boyfriend.

After Draco has taken a shower, he comes back to Harry’s room. Harry is already in bed. He had heard his godfathers going to bed while Draco was in the shower, and normally there would be a silence in the house now. But Draco closes the door behind him, and sits down on the edge of the bed, only wearing a towel. There are bruises forming on his back, and Harry traces them with his fingers. Draco turns around, tears in his eyes.  
“As soon as I’ve turned eighteen, we’ll get our own place,” Harry says, and Draco nods. “We’ll be okay. I promise,” he whispers, and Draco lies down beside him. Harry turns the light off, and Draco climbs under the covers, dropping the towel on the floor. He then lies down on his side, pushes himself up on his elbow, and brushes some of the hair out of Harry’s face, staring straight into his eyes.  
“I love you,” he whispers, and Harry can feel his heart flutter. His skin is burning, his heart is racing, and he feels like he is floating.  
“I love you too,” he whispers, and Draco presses his lips down on his. The kisses becomes more passionate, and even though Remus and Sirius are in the room next door, they both know where this is going. Draco places himself on top of Harry, a leg on each side. He looks down at him, a sad, but loving smile on his face. He then grabs Harry’s hands, and holds them down next to his head. He has always been the more dominant, controlling one, and Harry doesn’t mind it one bit. Draco grinds his hips against Harry’s, and quickly kisses him, hoping that their kisses will absorb their moans. Which they do, for the biggest part. Little do they know, that in the room next door, two men are trying really hard not to laugh when they hear the half-moans.  
“I love you,” Draco whispers, when Harry is cuddled up in his arms that night.  
“I love you too,” Harry whispers back, and he looks up and kisses Draco. He closes his eyes, and falls asleep, feeling safe, and feeling loved. That night he dreams about living with Draco, years later, about when they start their own family.

When Harry wakes up the next morning, he remembers that night, and what they had said to each other, and he gets a big smile on his face. But then he opens his eyes, and he finds an empty space in his bed, except for a note. He grabs it, and his eyes fill with tears when he reads it.  
 _I’m sorry._  
Nothing else. No explanation. No nothing. Harry feels sick, and he gets out of bed, quickly puts on some clothes, and runs down the stairs, hoping to find Draco. Maybe he had misunderstood the note. But when he gets into the kitchen, only Remus and Sirius are there.  
“Where is he?” Harry asks, sounding panicked.  
“Last time I heard, he was with you,” Sirius sniggers, referring to what he and his husband had heard that night, and Remus nearly spits out his coffee.  
“He’s gone,” Harry says, handing over the note to them, ignoring their comment.  
“What?” Sirius asks. “Have you tried phoning him?”  
“No,” Harry says, and he grabs his phone from the table. He calls Draco, but it quickly goes to voicemail. “He’s gone,” he repeats. “I can feel it, in here,” he says, putting a hand on his stomach. “He left me.”  
“Oh, Harry,” Sirius says, and he quickly goes over to his godson, who is standing in the middle of the kitchen, tears now falling from his eyes. Jimmy starts to bark, because he can feel that something is wrong. Remus quickly picks him up, and goes over to Harry. He hands him the puppy, hoping that it will cheer him up, even in a small way. But it really doesn’t, and Harry keeps crying. Because he had meant what he had said last night. He loved him.

It’s been a couple of weeks, and it’s almost Harry’s eighteenth birthday. He refuses to celebrate it, simply because he is still feeling horrible because of what happened with Draco. He has tried to call him multiple times, but he can’t get into contact with him anymore. It’s as if he has disappeared from the earth. So he is trying to get over him. Luckily his friends are back, and they are helping him. Tonight they have come over to get a pizza and watch a movie, to distract him. Sirius has to go to a punk gig, to write a review.  
“You, to a punk gig?” Harry asks, holding an ever-growing Jimmy in his arms, as his godfathers are putting on their shoes.  
“Yes, what about it?” Remus asks. He isn’t wearing his own clothes. He is wearing a pair of black jeans from Sirius, that are too short for him, and a t-shirt from some 70’s punk band, which is also too short. Together with one of his own jackets. Strangely enough, he actually suits this look as well.  
“It just seems odd, that’s all.”  
“He always used to go with me,” Sirius says. “But then he got old and boring.”  
“Did not.”  
“He did. But I managed to convince him to come with me tonight. So you and your friends have the house all to yourselves. So don’t break anything.”  
“I could say the same to you,” Harry laughs, and Sirius playfully hits him on the arm, before putting on his jacket. “Have fun, you two.”  
“Thanks, Harry.” Remus smiles, looking genuinely excited. They leave the house, holding hands, and walk to the venue, which is only a few blocks away.  
“I can’t believe the kid is almost eighteen already,” Sirius says, when they are almost there. “Remember when he came to live with us?”  
“He was a boy. Now he’s a man,” Remus says, and his husband nods. “I think we did a pretty good job, and I’m sure James and Lily would think the same.”  
“Yeah, I think so too. He’s a good kid.”

At the gig, the two men had been jumping around, as if they were teenagers again, and they are still pumped up, full of adrenaline.  
“I might come with you more often,” Remus laughs, as they are walking back home. It’s just after midnight, and there’s hardly anyone on the street.  
“Good,” Sirius laughs, and he gives his husband a kiss. They continue walking, while talking and laughing about the gig, about how much they had enjoyed it. But then a group of five men come up to them. Remus immediately feels intimidated, and Sirius can feel his grip tighten.  
“Do you know the time?” one of the men asks, and Sirius looks at his watch. That’s when the man grabs a knife. “Give me your money.”  
“I’m sorry, but…,” Remus tries, but another man punches him in the face. Two men grab him, and two others Sirius, and they grab their wallets, phones and watches. Remus and Sirius both don’t fight it, knowing that there’s no point anyway. But then one of the men punches Remus again, even though he is just standing there. Another joins him, and they push him to the ground and start kicking him, while one men is putting their belongings in a bag, the other two men holding Sirius back.  
“You bastards,” he yells, getting really furious at the fact that they are beating his husband up. The man who has their belongings, still has a knife in his hand, and he goes over to Remus, who is still being kicked. He kneels down, and orders the two men to stop. He takes his knife, and holds it close to Remus’ neck, which makes Sirius snap. He breaks free, and pushes the man away, falling down to the floor. A struggle follows, and all of the sudden a sick, gurgling sound can be heard. The man quickly gets up, and he orders for his men to follow him, and they quickly run away. Remus manages to push himself up, and he crawls over to his husband. He feels something sticky on his hand, and looks down, only to find that he is crawling through blood. He looks at Sirius and sees a knife sticking out of his chest.  
“Someone help!” Remus yells, and a light turns on in one of the houses. “Someone phone for an ambulance!”  
“It’s okay,” Sirius whispers.  
“No,” Remus says, as he grabs his husband’s hand.  
“Tell Harry,” Sirius says, but then he struggles to breathe. “that I love him… and that I’m proud of him.”  
“Sirius, don’t you dare,” Remus whispers, tears falling from his eyes.  
“I love you,” Sirius whispers, and Remus presses his lips down on his.  
“I love you too,” he then whispers. “But you’re not going anywhere. Do you hear me?” he asks, and he looks up. He sees that people are now out of their houses. Someone must have phoned an ambulance, surely.  
“It’s okay. I’ll be with you. I promise,” Sirius whispers, and he closes his eyes. He head falls to the side, and Remus lets out a cry that breaks everyone’s heart. It is full of pain. Because he cannot just have lost his husband. He needs him.


	11. This Isn’t Life

It’s been five years since Sirius was stabbed. Five years since he slipped into a coma. The doctors told Remus that Sirius will most likely never wake up again. But Remus isn’t giving up on him. Never. He still visits him every single day, and he will, until one of them dies.  
Harry wanted to move out when he was eighteen, to give his godfathers their own space, but after Sirius got stabbed, everything changed. Remus wouldn’t eat, drink or sleep, and Harry had to take care of him. It took two years before Remus could take care of himself again. But even now, five years since Sirius ‘left’ them, he still isn’t the same. He is like a zombie, walking around like a lifeless being. Sure, he is alive, but he doesn’t feel like he is. Life without Sirius, to him doesn’t feel like a life. So Harry is still living with him, taking care of the house, taking care of his godfather. Remus also had to stop working, so Harry is now the only one bringing in an income. He is working at a supermarket, which he hates, but he never had the chance to get a further education, or to look for a better job. Remus needed him.  
He is still friends with Ron, Hermione, Luna and Neville, and he is now dating Ginny, who had finally forgiven him a few years ago. She had grown over her anger, or rather, her insecurity about the situation. So he does have his own life, but honestly, Sirius being stabbed, had changed his life a lot. Because not only had he lost his godfather. He had also lost the chance of being a young adult, living on his own, doing his own thing.  
Remus feels horrible about it, and he keeps asking Harry to move out, to go do his own thing. But Harry worries about him too much. So he stays, because he cares too much, and to be honest, he’s too scared that he will lose Remus as well. And he isn’t sure if he’d be able to take it.  
“Really, I want to come,” Harry says, as he grabs his jacket.  
“You don’t have to. I can get there on my own just fine,” Remus says, knowing that Harry worries about him all the time. Yes, he had been very weak for a few years, but he can do most things on his own again.  
“I know, but I want to come.”  
“Okay,” Remus says, and he grabs his jacket. It’s late in the summer, but the weather has already changed. It is quite cold, and the leaves are already falling from the trees.  
“I can’t believe it’s been eight years since you moved in with us,” Remus says, when they are sitting in the bus, on their way to the hospital. “Almost ten years… Twenty-two years since James and Lily…”  
“You’re getting old,” Harry says, and Remus playfully hits his arm, laughing.  
“Yes, yes I am. But I don’t mind it. I just wish I would get to spend my old age with Sirius,” he says, now looking sad. He starts staring out of the window, and Harry knows that he has lost him again. He is off in his own world, where unfortunately he has been spending most of his time for the last five years.

“Potter?” someone asks, when Remus and Harry are leaving Sirius’ room. They look over and see Draco standing there. Harry feels his heart starting to beat faster. Draco is looking quite a bit older, even though it’s been only five years. His face has matured a lot, and Harry has to admit that he now looks even better than before. But he hasn’t seen him in five years, and seeing him now, it also hurts. They hadn’t exactly parted in a good way.  
“Go. I’ll go sit with Sirius for a little while longer,” Remus says, and he goes back into his husband’s room. Harry goes over to the blond man, and Draco quickly gives him a hug. It should be awkward, but Harry immediately hugs him back.  
“Do you want to get some tea?” Draco asks, and Harry nods, his mouth too dry to talk. He follows his ex down to the small café, where they sit down at a table, after Draco has bought tea for them. “How are you?” he asks.  
“Okay… Sirius, he…”  
“I know. I am so sorry,” Draco says. “Is he still in a coma?” he asks, and Harry nods. “How awful for Lupin. For you as well, but I know how close they were.”  
“Thanks… how are you?”  
“I’m good, actually,” Draco says, looking down at his tea. “Really good. I had cancer, but I got the all-clear today. I beat it.”  
“I am so sorry,” Harry says, feeling his heart drop. Sure, he had hated Draco for what he had done to him, but the thought of him dying, of cancer, it makes him feel horrible. “but I am so glad that you’re okay.”  
“Thanks,” Draco says, flashing a smile. “So that’s why I am here,” he adds, and a bit of an awkward silence follows. “I ehm… I am sorry for what I did,” Draco eventually says.  
“It’s all in the past.”  
“I want to explain though, if you will let me.”  
“Sure,” Harry says, taking a sip from his tea. He tries to seem careless, but honestly, he wants to hear the explanation. He wants to know why he left him, with just a note. Why he never properly said goodbye if he wanted to leave him.  
“During the fight, that day, my father said that if I were to change, that I could still be a part of the family. I just had to change, and leave you. And my mother, she…,” Draco says, looking down at his hands. “She begged me to change. She kept crying… I told her that it wasn’t a choice, that it’s who I am. That’s when my father hit me.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be. But I kept begging them to accept me, and I kept telling them that I would hide it from other people. So they threw me out. But I saw my mother’s face. She was still crying, and that night, when I was with you, and you were asleep, I kept thinking about her. I didn’t want to lose her. So I decided to go back and try and change. At least then I would still have my mother,” Draco explains, now finally looking up.  
“Are you still pretending?”  
“No,” Draco says, swallowing back tears. “I left, two years ago. I realised that I couldn’t keep living a lie for the rest of my life, just to please them. I told them, hoping that they would have changed their minds by now, but… well, I have no family anymore.”  
“I am so sorry,” Harry says, and out of instinct, he grabs Draco’s hand, to comfort him. Draco looks at him and flashes a small smile.  
“I am happier now. I am living on my own, I can do what I want, go out with whoever I please. I am happy.”  
“I am glad,” Harry says, taking his hand back.  
“What about you? How are things? Other than the situation with Sirius?” Draco asks, and Harry tells him about his job, about still living with Remus, and about Ginny.  
“We’ve been together for almost two years now.”  
“I am happy for you. She’s a sweet girl.”  
“She is,” Harry says, but the mood is awkward. But then a nurse comes running into the café.  
“Harry Potter?” she asks, and Harry looks up, a worried look on his face. “You need to come with me. Now,” the nurse says, and Harry quickly gets up. Draco quickly grabs a piece of paper, and a pen out of his jacket, and writes something down.  
“Call me,” he says, and he shoves the piece of paper into Harry’s hand.  
“I will.”

“So what you are saying, is that he has really woken up?” Remus asks, hours later. While he had been sitting with his husband, Sirius’ hand had started moving. Remus had called for a doctor, and he had been kicked out of the room. He had asked a nurse to go and find Harry, because he had refused to leave Sirius. And now, after the doctors have done tests on Sirius for ages, Remus and Harry in Sirius’ doctor’s office.  
“Yes,” the doctor says. “It is a miracle, truly. But your husband has woken up, and he has been asking for you. Both of you. I have to warn you, some signs of brain damage might not be visible just yet.”  
“What kind of brain damage?”  
“Memory loss, confusion, loss of words…”  
“But we can go see him?” Harry asks.  
“Yes, but if he confuses things, go with it. We don’t want to upset him,” the doctor says, and he gets up, to lead Remus and Harry to Sirius’ room. But Harry stops, when they are in front of the room.  
“You go, you need some time alone,” he says, and Remus flashes a small smile, before entering the room.  
“Hun,” Sirius says, looking very fragile still. But awake, and that is more than Remus could have wished for. He bursts into tears, and he feels his legs shaking. “Come here,” Sirius says, and he opens his arms. Remus goes over to him, and falls into his arms. He cannot stop crying, and Sirius pulls him closer, until he is on the bed, lying next to him, cuddled up in his arms.  
“I have missed you so much,” Remus sobs, looking up at his husband. “I love you so much, Sirius.”  
“I love you, too,” Sirius says, tears falling from his eyes, and he presses his lips against Remus’. “How is Harry?” he then asks.  
“He is fine, he’s outside.”  
“Good… The doctors told me it’s been five years.”  
“Yes,” Remus says, looking up at his husband. Just to see him talk, to see him move again, it makes him feel more happiness than he has felt in the past five years.  
“I must look a mess then,” Sirius laughs through his tears.  
“I’ve tried to keep you looking the same. You’ve aged though,” Remus laughs.  
“So have you,” Sirius laughs, putting a hand on the side of Remus’ face. Remus feels insecure, because he hasn’t taken care of himself, and yes, he has gotten older. He must look horrible. “You are so beautiful, Remus,” Sirius whispers, looking at his face, and Remus can feel his heart flutter again. Remus rests his head on his husband’s chest, and Sirius pulls him even closer. They stay like that, until the doctor comes in, to do some more tests, and Sirius has to let go of his husband.

It’s been two weeks, and Sirius is coming back home today. Harry is there, with Jimmy, who is now a grown-up dog, and they are both waiting. Remus had gone to pick up Sirius, and Harry had wanted to come with him, but Remus had refused. In the last two weeks, he had changed a lot. He had become more like his old self. Harry is glad, because Remus really had become like an empty shell, and now he is a real human being again. He actually smiles and laughs a lot again.  
“Ah, there they are,” Harry says, and Jimmy starts jumping up and down. The door opens, and Remus and Sirius walk in, Remus carrying Sirius’ things.  
“Wow, hello you,” Sirius says, as he starts petting Jimmy. “You must be Jimmy. You sure have grown up,” he laughs, as the dog licks his face, apparently still recognising him.  
“He sure has,” Remus laughs. They go into the living room, and sit down. Harry has already put down drinks for them, and the two men sit down on the sofa, while Harry sits down on the chair. Jimmy climbs onto Sirius’ lap, and Remus can’t help but smile.  
“So we clearly need to make some changes,” Sirius says, looking serious.  
“Like what?” Harry asks.  
“Well, first of all, you’re moving out,” Remus says, “I know that you stayed to help out, but you need to start living your own life, Harry.”  
“And second, you are getting a job again,” Sirius says, poking his husband in the side with a finger.  
“Yes, yes, I am. Things need to get back to normal, and we need to forget about the last five years.”  
“Not forget,” Harry says. “But move on, yes. And I want to move out, but only if you are sure that you don’t need my help.”  
“We’re sure,” Sirius says. “We’ll be fine, Harry.”

It’s Christmas, and Sirius and Remus had gone over to the Weasleys to celebrate it. Ron and Hermione had been there, and they had announced that Hermione is pregnant. Harry and Ginny had been there as well, but they had seemed a bit odd. Things haven’t been the same between them since they moved in together. Sirius had asked Harry about it, but Harry had told him that nothing was wrong. Which obviously was a lie, but there was no point in asking again.  
The two men are now back home, and they are in bed. Jimmy is in Harry’s old room. The room is now a guest room, for when Harry wants to stay over, but Jimmy has pretty much taken over the room, well, mostly the bed. He sleeps there every night.  
“They are all grown up now,” Remus says, while Sirius is mindlessly playing with a strand of his hair. “I used to teach those kids, and now they’re going to be parents.”  
“I know…”  
“We’re getting old, Sirius.”  
“We’re only in our forties,” Sirius laughs. “We’re not old just yet. I think we’ve still got some life left in us,” he laughs, as he rolls himself on top of his husband. He starts kissing him, and when they stop, he sits up, looking down at his husband, who still fills him up with love, every single time he sees him. Remus sticks out his hand, and carefully traces Sirius’ stomach with his fingers, up to his chest, ending at the scar, from where he was stabbed.  
“Does it hurt?” he asks, and Sirius shakes his head, looking down at Remus’ long fingers. He grabs his hand, and gently kisses the fingers that had only just been touching his scar. “I love you,” Remus whispers, and Sirius flashes a smile, and stops kissing his fingers. He leans down, and gives a kiss on his husband’s nose, and then a quick kiss on his lips.  
“Just hold me,” Remus whispers, and Sirius nods. He lies down beside his husband, and they cuddle up, their arms wrapped around each other. Remus rests his head on Sirius’ chest, and listens to his heart beating. “I couldn’t bear it without you, Sirius. I was alive, but I also wasn’t. Life without you, it isn’t life. Not really.”  
“I’m never leaving you again. I promise.”


	12. Beauty

It’s been almost half a year since Sirius had gotten out of his coma, and things are getting more and more back to normal. Remus has gotten his old job back, as a teacher at the school where he used to work. Sirius is now working for another magazine, writing articles about all kinds of things, from books, to movies, to recipes. The good thing is that he can work from home. Because even though he is physically all better, mentally he still needs time. He has been out of this world for five years, but the world has moved on, and it takes time to deal with it, and to learn things. Remus is helping him with it, and they know that together, they will get there eventually.  
They are putting on their shoes, to go to the park with Jimmy. But Remus sits down, and Sirius knows exactly what is going on. He puts his shoe down, and kneels down in front of his husband, putting his hands on his knees.  
“I’m sorry,” Remus whispers, covering his eyes with his hands.  
“Stop it,” Sirius says, and he presses his lips against Remus’ forehead. “Come on,” he says, and he gets up. “Let’s get you to bed,” he says, and he picks Remus up. Remus is the taller one, and heavier, but Sirius can still pick him up as if he doesn’t weigh a thing.  
“Put me down. Your health…”  
“Shut up, Remus,” Sirius says, as he takes him upstairs, and Remus can’t help but smile through his tears. Sirius puts him in bed, after having undressed him.  
It’s been a few hours, and they are now both in bed, Sirius holding Remus, who is shivering and shaking, and crying and moaning from the pain. Sirius’ chest is covered in scratches from Remus’ nails, and this isn’t the first time, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is the fact that his husband is in pain, and that he wants to be there for him and help him. And when he looks at the crying man in his arms, suffering, almost unable to take the pain, something inside of him breaks. He loves him so much, and he still finds him so beautiful, it makes him feel like his heart is swelling up. He brushes the hair out of Remus’ face, and Remus looks up at him, his forehead covered in sweat, his eyes bloodshot and filled with tears.  
“Marry me,” Sirius whispers. “Marry me again,” he repeats, when his husband just looks at him.  
“What?”  
“I want to do it for real this time. Have a party, with our friends, show everyone how much I love you,” Sirius says, the adrenaline making him feel like he is flying. Remus is still shaking, the pain almost becoming too much, and quite frankly, he cannot think of a worse time for a proposal. But it has still made his stomach fill up with butterflies, and a smile has formed on his lips.  
“Yes,” he says. “I’ll marry you. Again,” he says, and Sirius lets out a small laugh. He looks at his husband, and even though is he still suffering terribly, there is now a small smile on his face, and there is some happiness in his eyes again.

Remus is still getting better, and he is able to go around the house again. Sirius has just come out of the shower, and he is coming into the bedroom, where Remus has just woken up. Remus cannot help but notice the scratches on his chest, and he feels horrible. He knows that it has happened before, but these are particularly bad. The entire attack had been the worst it has ever been. Sirius notices his husband looking at the scratches, and sits down beside him on the bed.  
“Don’t worry about it. They will heal,” he says, and he grabs Remus’ hand, and looks down at his wedding ring. A cheap thing that they had bought when they had gotten married for the first time. “I want to do it properly this time.”  
“Do what properly?”  
“The wedding. I want us to have proper rings this time, nice suits… I want it to be real this time,” Sirius says, and Remus cannot help but smile. “I know that it was real last time, and I’m glad that we did it, but…”  
“I know. It wasn’t a wedding.”  
“Exactly.”

“Who is it?” Ginny shouts, as she throws a magazine at Harry’s head. “Is it that girl from work? What’s her name? Valerie?”  
“I am not cheating on you!” Harry shouts back, and Ginny grabs one of her books, and throws it at Harry as well. He manages to duck, and it only just misses his head.  
“Then what is wrong with you?” Ginny shouts, and Harry can see why Ron had warned him about her moods. “Your mind has been somewhere else for months!”  
“Maybe it has to do with my godfather almost dying? With me having to find my own place? With me having to find a new job?”  
“Bullshit!”  
“Ginny, stop throwing things at me,” Harry says, and he goes up to his girlfriend and grabs her hands. “Can we just talk? Calmly?”  
“Fine, but don’t lie to me,” Ginny says, and they sit down on the sofa. “It only started after Sirius woke up. Your mind is somewhere else all the time. When we… well, you know, you’re somewhere else.”  
“I’m not, honestly,” Harry says, but Ginny is right. His mind isn’t with her anymore. He loves her, but he isn’t in love with her. And if he has to be fully honest, he has to admit that he has never been in love with her. As much as he loves her, perhaps their relationship was more a thing for when they were younger, and then it turned into something that became a comfort for him. Knowing that there was someone there for him. Someone to hold him when he needed someone. He feels horrible about it.  
“You are. Don’t lie to me!”  
“I…,” Harry tries, but Ginny bursts into tears. “I’m sorry.”  
“Have I done something wrong? Is there something I need to change?” she asks, but Harry just shakes his head. “Then what is it? Please tell me.”  
“I just… I don’t know.”  
“I at least deserve the truth, Harry.”  
“You do,” Harry admits, and he lets out a big sigh. “Lately I’ve just been thinking about us, about our relationship.”  
“And?”  
“I’m not sure if it’s going anywhere,” Harry tries to explain, and Ginny buries her face in her hands. “Ginny…,” he tries, putting a hand on her back, but she pushes him away.  
“Don’t.”

It’s been a few days, and Harry and Ginny are living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, but they aren’t even speaking to each other anymore. Harry finds it unbearable, but he simply doesn’t know how to start a conversation. He feels guilty, and hates himself, and he wants to talk it out and make it up to Ginny, but he also wants to end things with her, and have it all be over. It is eating him up on the inside, and he wants to talk to someone about it. But he can’t talk to Ron, because Ginny is his sister. He can’t talk to Hermione, because she has been really ill because of the pregnancy, and he doesn’t want her to have any more stress. His godfathers have their own problems. And Luna and Neville, well, quite frankly he is scared that they will get angry with him and say that he is a bit of a twat for how he has treated Ginny.  
“We need to talk,” Ginny says, when Harry is watching tv that night. She sits down on the sofa, next to him, and he turns the tv off. “Things haven’t been right between us for a long time, have they?”  
“No…”  
“I thought that you were seeing someone else, but when you said that, last week, that you don’t see this going anywhere, it got me thinking. And you are right. You and I, we’re not made for each other. Don’t get me wrong, Harry, I love you, but…”  
“You’re not in love with me,” Harry adds, and Ginny nods, understanding that he feels the same way.  
“I think it’s best if we end it now, before we have any more fights. Now we can end it as friends. I’m leaving tonight, I’m moving back in with mum and dad,” Ginny says, and Harry just nods. “And I’ll have Ron pick up my things somewhere this week, okay?”  
“Okay.”  
“Bye, Harry,” she says, and they give each other a hug. She gets up and leaves the house. And that’s it. As soon as the door closes, Harry feels very alone. He has never lived on his own, and here he is, in his own apartment, on his own, no family, no friends, no girlfriend… All of the sudden he thinks about Draco. He hadn’t really thought about him since seeing him at the hospital. He now remembers that he had gotten his number, on a note, but it must have gotten lost. Things had gotten hectic that day, because Sirius had woken up that day. But still he gets up, and he goes to the bedroom. He has a box, full of pieces of paper, and chords, pens, paperclips, all kinds of things that he should throw away, but might be useful one day. Or not. He goes through it, and eventually finds the note with Draco’s number on it. He wants to call him, to see how he is doing. But would that be wrong? Would it give the wrong impression? Because after all, Ginny has only just left. But he would only call him as a friend, wouldn’t he? Just out of curiosity to see how he is doing, right? Then why is he feeling so guilty? He takes the note to the kitchen, and sticks it on the fridge. He is not calling Draco. Not tonight.

“What about this one?” Sirius asks, pointing at a beautiful ring. They’re at the jeweller, to pick out wedding rings.  
“No, no silver.”  
“I know,” Sirius laughs. “Don’t worry, it’s white gold.”  
“Sorry, it’s just, I’m allergic to silver, you see?” Remus explains to the man behind the counter, who had given him a strange look. “It makes my skin go all… never mind.”  
“But what do you think?” Sirius asks, still looking at the ring.  
“It’s gorgeous, but look at the price. Sirius, we can’t…”  
“We can,” Sirius says. “I want to do it properly this time. And these will be the rings that we’ll be wearing until the day we die. So it’s important.”  
”But it’s also important to have food on the table at night,” Remus laughs. “It’s gorgeous, Sirius, but I don’t want this wedding to run us to the ground. And don’t give me that look,” he laughs, and he playfully pushes his husband away. “I think it’s beautiful as well, but one of us has to be the responsible one here.”  
“Then we’ll cut back on the suits. Or on the music. I’m sure I’ve still got some records lying around. You know, The Damned, The Sex Pistols…”  
“Sirius!” Remus warns, smiling.  
“I just want you to have the perfect ring,” Sirius explains, and he grabs Remus’ hand. “I want everything to be perfect.”  
“Stop worrying. It doesn’t matter what rings we get. It will be perfect either way. Truly.”

“So yes, we’ve split up,” Harry says, after he has explained what has happened between him and Ginny. He hadn’t visited his godfathers in a few weeks, mostly because he had been busy, but also because he didn’t want to tell them about his relationship ending yet. He still felt uncomfortable about it. Simply because he didn’t feel sad about it. He just felt relieved.  
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Remus says, but Harry shrugs.  
“It’s for the best,” he says, as he pets Jimmy’s head. “And how have things been here?”  
“Well, we actually wanted to tell you something,” Sirius says, “but it feels a bit awkward, telling you now.”  
“No, tell me, it’s fine.” Harry flashes a smile, and Sirius grabs Remus’ hand, who gets a small blush on his face.  
“Well, Remus and I, we ehm… we’re getting married again.”  
“Wow, congratulations,” Harry says. “When did this happen?”  
“He proposed to me, a few weeks ago,” Remus says, his face beaming with pride and joy.  
“So we’ll be getting married again in a few months. There’s so much to take care of still, but…”  
“Is there any way I can help?” Harry asks.  
“Nothing for now. We haven’t even really started arranging things properly ourselves,” Sirius laughs. “We’ve only been looking for rings. We want to get new wedding rings. These were cheap things that we bought last time.”  
“How did you get married last time?”  
“Well, the day that gay marriage became legal, we went to the court house, and we got married there. So nothing romantic, no nice suits, no big party. We only celebrated afterwards with friends,” Sirius says, and he looks down at his ring. “After getting married, we went to the first jewellery shop we found, and bought these things.”  
“There was a clearance sale,” Remus laughs. “It was awful. Very tacky, really. But we got married, and that’s what it was all about.”  
“Then let me buy you your new rings,” Harry says, and both men shake their head.  
“There’s no need, Harry,” Sirius says, flashing a smile. “But thank you.”  
“I want to. It’ll be my wedding present. It doesn’t matter how much they cost, just pick out the ones you love most.”  
“Well, we did see a pair, but…”  
“No buts, I’m buying them for you. It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve both done for me.”


	13. Promises

“She’s beautiful,” Harry says, when he first lays eyes on Hermione and Ron’s baby girl, Emily. She looks just like her mother, but with a head full of fiery red hair. She had been born two days ago, and Harry had wanted to come visit them in the hospital, but there had been some complications, so Ron had asked him to stay at home. But both mother and daughter are okay now, and Harry is feeling very emotional. Almost nine years ago, he had met Ron and Hermione, and they have been through so much together, and here his friends are, all grown up, with their baby girl.  
“We wanted to ask you something,” Hermione says, and Harry looks up at her and Ron, who is sitting next to his girlfriend.  
“Will you be Emily’s godfather?”  
“Really?”  
“Really.” Hermione flashes a shy smile, and Harry nods.  
”Yes, of course. Wow, I am honoured. Thank you so much.”  
“Well, thank you,” Hermione laughs.  
“Emily is lucky with a godfather like you,” Ron adds, flashing a smile, and Harry feels his stomach flip, but in the best way possible. He looks at the baby girl in Hermione’s arms, and he can feel his heart fill up with love. And he knows that he will do whatever he can to protect her and to take care of her. Not only because it is now his job, but because he wants to. He would do anything for his friends. And he would do anything for their daughter.

That night, when Harry is at home, alone, and he goes to the fridge to get a beer, he sees the note, the one with Draco’s number on it. He still hasn’t called him, but he still wants to. But every time he’s about to, he changes his mind. But not tonight. He grabs his phone, and dials the number. Draco answers, and Harry feels silly, because it’s been eight months since he had given him his number, and he is only now calling him. He must seem like a real prat.  
“Do you want to come over?” he asks, expecting Draco to laugh, say no or hang up on him.  
“Sure,” Draco answers, and after Harry has given him his address, they both hang up the phone. Harry quickly gets changed into proper clothes again, not some sweatpants and a smelly t-shirt. And just as he is about to sit down, Draco rings his doorbell. Harry goes to open the door, and his heart skips a beat when he sees his ex standing there, somehow looking even better than eight months ago.  
After Harry has gotten them both a beer, they sit down on the sofa, and they start talking about the weather, obviously both feeling a bit awkward.  
“So ehm… how is Sirius?” Draco asks, putting his beer down on the floor.  
“He woke up, the day we spoke actually. So yeah, things have been, well, yeah… But he’s getting better, and things are getting back to normal again.”  
“I’m glad,” Draco says, flashing a genuine smile. He then looks around the room, looking a bit awkward. “I thought you’d be living here with Ginny.”  
“Oh, well, me and Ginny, we ehm… we split up. It didn’t work out,” Harry says, and he could have sworn that he just saw a smile on Draco’s face, before he looked away. “What about you?”  
“What about me?”  
“Are you seeing someone?” Harry asks, his heart racing, and Draco shakes his head, picking his beer back up, and he quickly continues drinking it.  
“Is that a good thing?” he then asks, and Harry can’t help but smile.  
“Yes, it is,” he laughs, quickly finishing his beer as well.

When Harry wakes up the next morning, he has got a headache from all the beer that he and Draco had consumed, but still he remembers everything. They had been drinking until three in the morning. And they had been catching up on how they had been. And then Draco had kissed him, just like that, out of nowhere. It had lead to messy and drunken sex on the sofa. Afterwards they had managed to drag themselves to the bedroom, where things had gotten even messier.  
“’morning,” Draco says, when he sees that Harry is awake.  
“Ghrgh,” Harry mumbles, closing his eyes again, his head is hurting too much to be awake, and Draco can’t help but laugh. He brushes hair from Harry’s forehead, and Harry opens his eyes, but only slightly. But when he sees Draco looking at him, a loving look in his eyes, it makes him swallow hard. His heart starts beating louder, and all the feelings that he had ever had for Draco, they all come back to him now.  
“I still love you,” Draco whispers, as if he had been reading Harry’s mind. “And I do hope that you are willing to give me another chance.”  
“I thought that last night made that kind of obvious,” Harry whispers back, and Draco smiles, leans forward and kisses him. “I love you too.”

It’s Christmas, and Sirius and Remus are still planning their wedding. Or rather, they are still saving up for their wedding. Things have been more difficult lately, money-wise, and they have had to postpone the wedding until next summer. But as Sirius keeps saying, it doesn’t matter, because now they’ll have more time to plan it, which means that it will just be more perfect.  
“It looks beautiful, hun,” Sirius says, when he comes into the kitchen. Remus has been cooking all day long, and when Sirius had wanted to help, he had been kindly asked to leave. So he had been playing with Jimmy for most of the day.  
“Let’s hope it tastes beautiful.”  
“I’m sure it does,” Sirius says, and he sticks his finger in one of the sauces. He looks at Remus while licking his finger, but Remus just laughs, shaking his head, and he turns away. “You know, there used to be a time when you found me sexy,” Sirius laughs, and he pokes Remus in the ribs with his fingers.  
“Stop it,” Remus laughs, and he turns back to face him again. Sirius wraps his arms around his waist, and pulls him closer. Remus wraps his arms around his husband’s neck, and he starts kissing him, all of the sudden really not caring about the food anymore. They go into the living room, never breaking their kisses, and they lie down on the sofa, Sirius on top. Jimmy, out of instinct, runs up the stairs, into Harry’s old room, because he knows when to leave a room.  
“Fuck!” Remus cries out, when Sirius starts kissing that spot in his neck. He closes his eyes, and he feels dizzy, and soon enough, he can only see stars. But then Sirius stops kissing him, and Remus can feel the weight of his husband leaving him. Is he actually going to leave him? Right now? After he has gotten him to this point? But when Remus opens his eyes, he sees that Sirius is now kneeled down in front of him, and he has a big smirk on his face. He quickly wriggles out of his trousers, with a little help from Sirius, whose smirk only grows when he sees the effect that he already has had on him.  
“Shut up,” Remus laughs, when he sees the stupid smirk on his face. Because he knows exactly how much power he has over him, how far he can take it, and what effect he has on him. And when Sirius takes him in his mouth, Remus closes his eyes, quickly seeing stars again. He grabs a fistful of Sirius’ hair, which is actually kind of hurting Sirius’ scalp, but he won’t mention it.  
“Oh, fuck!” Remus cries out again, and seconds later, he feels that familiar mix of heat, pleasure and elation going through his body. Sirius sits back down, next to him, still smirking, and Remus just shakes his head, trying to catch his breath. But when Sirius keeps staring at him, the almost arrogant smirk not leaving his face, Remus decided to take him down a notch. He starts kissing him, tasting himself on his husband’s tongue, and he pushes him down on the sofa, until he is lying down, flat on his back. He then pushes his hand into Sirius’ jeans, and starts rubbing him up and down with his long fingers. But he doesn’t stop kissing him, and every moan that is trying to escape Sirius’ mouth, is being silenced by Remus. Normally Remus will try and make it at least a bit quick, to not make Sirius suffer, but not this time. This time he is taking it slowly, almost to the point where Sirius is begging him with his eyes, when Remus finally stops kissing him.  
“What?” Remus laughs.  
“You know what, you bastard,” Sirius laughs. Remus starts kissing him again, and he decides to take it up a notch. Let’s not make Sirius suffer any longer. Even through their kisses, Sirius lets out a loud moan, and Remus can feel him shaking. He cannot help but smile, and he keeps kissing Sirius until he has come to himself again. He then rests his head on his chest, and Sirius wraps an arm around him. But then they smell something, and Remus sits up.  
“What is that?” Sirius asks.  
“Oh shit, my sauce,” Remus says, looking panicked, and he quickly gets up, pulls up his trousers, and goes towards the kitchen.  
“Don’t forget to clean your hands first, hun,” Sirius says, smirking again, and before entering the kitchen, Remus turns around, smiling.  
“Shut up, Sirius.”

“Sorry about the sauce,” Remus says, as he, Sirius, Harry and Draco are having Christmas dinner that night. The sauce is burned, almost to the point of it being inedible, but the dish is nothing without it, so he had to serve it.  
“He got distracted while making it,” Sirius says, and Remus can feel his cheeks starting to burn.  
“It’s fine, honestly,” Draco says, flashing a smile. Harry had told his godfathers about his and Draco’s relationship a few weeks after it had started again, and they had been worried about it, but they had been happy for him. And now that it has been going just fine, for more than half a year, they have stopped worrying, and they can see that Draco has changed. And they can see that the two young men are truly in love with each other. Harry’s friends are all happy for them as well, and so is Ginny, who has found herself a new boyfriend as well.  
“Thank you Draco, but it’s not,” Remus laughs.  
“We ehm, we wanted to tell you something,” Harry announces, and his godfathers immediately start worrying again. Is Harry ill? Is he going to leave the country? Has something bad happened to him? “Draco is moving in with me.”  
“That’s great,” Sirius says, flashing a big smile.  
“Yeah, we can’t wait.”

It’s been exactly ten years to the day, since Harry moved in with Sirius and Remus. He is now in his mid-twenties. His godfathers are in their late forties. So much has happened in the last ten years. And here they are, in a tent in the countryside, celebrating Sirius and Remus’ marriage, with a second wedding. After the ceremony, which they had had with just their closest friends, they had all gathered here. All of their friends are here, well, almost all of their friends. The two men are missing their two best friends, James and Lily, and they both know it. Because they will never stop missing them, and they especially miss them on days like these.  
The two men are now dancing to a slow song, their arms wrapped around each other, and they are looking around the room. Ron and Hermione are sitting at a table, little Emily sitting on Hermione’s lap, eating a piece of the wedding cake. Luna and Neville are dancing together, Neville laughing at some joke that Luna had made. The Weasleys are all huddled together, dancing and enjoying themselves. They then look over to Harry, who is dancing with Draco.  
“Look at him,” Sirius whispers, even though they already are looking at their godson. “All grown up… I keep thinking about them. They would have been so proud of him.”  
“Yes,” Remus whispers back, tears filling up his eyes. “I can’t believe it’s been twenty-four years since they died. It still feels like they were here only yesterday. James chasing Lily…”  
“And sending her those awful letters,” Sirius adds, and they both laugh.  
“And then those flowers,” Remus laughs, and they stop dancing, and they look at each other, still holding each other. They just look into each other’s eyes, and for that moment, it’s just the two of them. There is no countryside, no tent, no people around them. Just them two. All they both can feel is pure love, and they know it. It’s all they’ve ever felt for each other, and it’s all they ever will feel for each other. It’s simply meant to be.  
“Promise me it will never change,” Remus whispers.  
“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this, and thank you so much for the kudos and the kind comments. I know I'm an awkward turtle, and I usually don't reply, but I do read them, and they always put a smile on my face. So thank you!!! xx

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you! xx


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